It's been a while since I made a bed, I don't know how long exactly, but let's run with a bloody long time. I don't see the point, probably like most men. Sure, I've pulled the covers up now and then in a weak attempt to avoid getting in trouble with Faith, but make the bed? Hmm, nah not for ages.
For me it's the cushions and pillows; I don't know what your bed looks like but Faith has this thing for cushions and pillows.
They start up against the bedhead and slowly get smaller and smaller as they make their way down to at least halfway down the bed. There's different shapes and sizes, colours patterns and textures and they need to be arranged in some sort of complex configuration that code-breakers from the Russian FSB wouldn't be able to work out.
At a guess I'd say there were about 783 pillows and cushions in all and they need to be placed with millimetre-perfection. Yep, not my thing.
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Each night the de-cushioning operation is complicated enough to rival the D-Day landings, and every disaster-relief mission ever undertaken since then all combined. Maybe an exaggeration, but I need to you understand the complexity of the matter so you're on my side by the end of this post. For the record, if I'm doing the de-cushioning they usually go flying in all directions.
Faith...Well, she doesn't seem to mind the de-cushioning scenario each night and the reconstruction of the worlds most complex engineering endeavour ever undertaken in the morning either...She tries to make me do it too with mixed results...Let's just call it abject failure.
Here's a text exchange from today starting with my initial message:
It could be said that I inflamed the situation with my cheeky you can cook comment and by lying about making the bed which, as we have established, never happens.
The nagging comment didn't have the desired soothing effect it was intended to have and the text exchange took a turn for the worse from here. Will I ever learn? Probably not.
Despite the going to rain chaos threat Faith made I, for some unknown reason, continued to justify my non-bed making ethos by way of calling it an artistic pursuit. This is where I mention the cushions, those hateful things that seem to pop up like mushrooms in a field on our bed.
Unperturbed by the smack-down threat I figured now would be a good time to refer to some hanky-panky later tonight. Of course, I had to remind her of how lucky she was to have such a perfect husband too...I've decided to cook by this stage, a totally independent decision not swayed by Faith's chaos rain threat in the least bit.
So, tonight around 6pm I'll be slaving away in the kitchen making beef burgers for me and carrot, corn, coriander and lentil burgers for Faith; Bloody vegetarians.
I'll be honest, I'll make a pathetic attempt at making the bed before she gets home which will not include straitening the sheets underneath. A quick pull up of the doona and a casual attempt at recreating the engineering perfection required for the pillow and cushion arrangement is about as good as it's going to get. I'll take my chances with the smack-down and chaos-rain.
Now, come on guys, don't tell me this hasn't happened to you at some stage...And ladies, if you also have cushion-malfunctions like Faith does please explain how a thousand cushions on the bed is a good thing?
Design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default - Tomorrow isn't promised.
Be well
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