It would be cool if idiot-man was a superhero name; I'd be proud to have the title if it was. Think about it...Imagine the headlines on the front page of the newspaper...
Idiot-man saves the day!
We love you idiot-man!
Idiot-man rescues cat from burning building
Glorious.
But alas, I'm not the mild-mannered G-dog by day and the fearless crime-fighting idiot-man during the day...It's just something Faith called me today, probably quite justifiably so too. See the text exchange below.
Above you'll note that I made a joke immediately after Faith told me how mad she was with me. The first clue of my idiot-man-ness. She goes on to reveal the reason for being angry and at that point I know I've made an error of judgement. In my defence, I had thought it was best not to stress Faith out with some tests I was having until there was a result. Clearly she was unimpressed.
She called me retarded. That's a strong clue as to the level of anger she's feeling as it's not a word she uses much for this purpose. Even idiot-man knows when he's fucked up. I knew my good intentions had been not so good after all.
Still making jokes here...Just to trying to lighten the mood really. Not totally retarded...It fell on deaf ears though. OK I get it now, Faithy is really mad!
It was at this point I backed down. Idiot-man I may be, but stupid I'm not. She was really worried and that spilled over to her texts I guess. I felt, and feel, bad that I hadn't thought this all through a little better.
Clearly she took a couple minutes to respond, probably deep-breathing to control her anger I guess. Her next text was a little softer; Not much, but a little.
And at the end...Idiot-man redeems himself and gets a kiss from the pretty girl! Idiot-man strikes again...Fighting crimes and making the ladies swoon!
Soon after this text exchange we spoke on the phone and chatted about the scenario and she sounded really worried, and still a little mad to be honest. I understand completely though; I'm the same with her...I think it's the worry that pushes one's anger-level upwards.
I can recall a few occasions I've seen her doing something, lets call it using a box knife to open a package but pulling the knife towards her body instead of cutting away from it...I kind of go from zero to off the scale pretty quickly...I think it's the thought of walking in and finding her with a box knife in her stomach that does it, the worry...The what could happen scenarios that run through the mind.
It was a shock for her to find that specialist referral-letter today and she put two and two together which equalled get mad with G-dog. I don't blame her for being mad, upset, afraid, worried and annoyed...It was those things I was trying to avoid putting on her shoulders though. Talk about a fail.
We've had a torrid run in the last couple of years with things rolling in one after the other...We sort of feel like we're teetering on the edge all the time with a little more weight added every time something new pops up. We're not the give-in types though...We're fighters, and we do it together.
So...I was wrong to hide this scenario from the one person I have always been able to rely on completely...Idiot-man strikes again.
Design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default - Tomorrow isn't promised.
Be well
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