Think

I set my alarm for early this morning, 05:00 early. The plan was to hike in the scrub for a couple hours, shower, breakfast, get out the door at 08:00 and fire up the big dog for a drive to the south coast and a little G-dog-time.

The plan was executed flawlessly as above until I got to the part about getting in the car for the drive to the south coast. I got held on a very awkward phone call with the wife of a mate of mine who took his own life two days ago. I rarely know what to say in those cases and tend to just listen a lot; I listened to a lot of crying.

I ended up on my computer a little then pretty much caved in to my need for a long drive and time to think. I guess, if I'm honest, I also needed to allow some of the weight to fall off and away from me as I felt it building up in the last couple days. I took my phone, laptop and a water bottle and me and the big dog headed north. Yes north, not south.

I'd lost most of the morning and rather than head to the south coast I went in the opposite direction which would mean I'd avoid the city and make better time. I ended up at a place called Ardrossan on the Yorke Peninsula some 150 kilometres from home.

There's not much there, it's just a sleepy little farming town with a main street, scattering of houses, a few shops and cafés.

It's a popular place with tourists though and with it being school holidays there was quite a few people there. I grabbed a bite to eat and took it to a quiet spot a little out of the way and parked up to have some lunch and relax. I opened the back and dangled my legs off the tailgate looking out over the waters of St Vincent Gulf. It was...Well, nice.

I've been processing thoughts around my mate's situation and how it's made me feel which is, angry. But in truth it's done, he's gone and whilst I miss him he has left people behind that will need my support now and in the future. That's partly what the phone call was about I guess; a tentative probe to learn what I, and others, needed to do for the family. It's the living that suffer after the passing of their loved ones.

I didn't come up with any answers of course, just more questions, however I found the hum of tyres on the road, tunes drifting into my ears and the fresh sea air at Ardrossan to be a pleasant distraction. I got to think, to order my thoughts a little and I found some of the anger dissipate; I guess it turned into a feeling of helplessness through the inability to assist my mate through his struggles, but I also found myself remembering him in life, as he was and what he meant to me. It was a good start I think.

I drove home after a couple hours and felt the time was well spent, that the thinking was helped along by the gap I'd created by heading to a fresh location and changing the scenery a little. There's a long way to go of course but I decided my twenty four hours of anger was enough, that I needed to let it go and start moving towards supporting the family and honouring the memory of someone who deserved far more than he got.