Jealousy is one of those emotions that we usually see as "negative" and think that it's a bad thing to feel jealous. So the moment you start noticing yourself getting jealous over any little thing, you start seeing yourself as evil and bad just because of that feeling. Unfortunately this bad perception about yourself whenever you're jealous makes it even more difficult to learn how to deal with Jealousy in a healthy way. I hope that you'll be able to grasp a quick summary about jealousy and how to deal with it in a healthy way.
One major issue with jealousy is the definition or at least the dictionary definition of the term it is usually defined from an emotional perspective which is just half-truth of what jealousy is. Jealousy also includes behavioral patterns that precedes from the initial feeling. Just like every other emotion; fear, anxiety we also have jealousy. It's a natural reaction and this reaction tends to happen whenever we compare our insufficiency or inadequacy to someone else that has those things that we lack so will begin too long for those things. A good example:
at your workplace, your colleague came to you to inform you of his promotion. Of course you are happy because you know he works hard and probably works harder than everyone else in the office but as soon as you are happy for him you start seeing yourself lower than him and you start asking; "why wasn't I chosen", "I would have made a better personnel for the office he was given". You notice here that jealousy has already crept in which is expected or at least not so bad because we all desire to be promoted, to be at the head. But, when it now gets to a point where after your colleague informed you of his promotion you stopped speaking to him, you stop going out with him and started avoiding him in the office-now that is jealousy in its full definition.
So how can we deal with this natural disposition of Man called jealousy in a healthy manner I will list a few points quickly.
- Validate your feelings.
A lot of people already see jealousy as a bad feeling so the moment it comes, we start seeing ourselves as a bad person which makes it difficult to process the feeling. Validating your feeling of jealousy reminds you of the fact that it is a natural reaction just like fear, excitement, joy and all other forms of emotions we experience on a daily basis- that way it is easier to take control of Your mind. You tell yourself;
"ok I am jealous but that does not mean I'm bad or that I should act based on how I'm feeling now." it only means that I long for that which I'm jealous about so I can either sit tight and work harder or dwell in this unpleasant feeling that won't take me anywhere.
- Clarify your value
Our values are our guide and boundaries that we use to navigate life everyday. If you have a clear blueprint of what your values are, it will be easier for you to deal with jealousy. A good example:
Your friend got admission into the university to study law while you got admission into the same university to study veterinary medicine. Now, because people do not appreciate veterinary medicine like they do to law, there might be a tendency for you to feel jealous about your friend but if the fact that you got vetinary medicine is because that's your passion and that is where you want to be, you might not feel or you will be able to play down on that jealous feeling because it's your passion and you gave it more priority than law.
- Take actions that are contrary to Jealousy.
We've already established at the beginning of this article that jealousy is part feeling and part action and it needs these two parts to come together for jealousy to be fully defined.
The feeling part might not be easy to control or to stop because most times it's a default reaction for those who struggle with it. But the action part can be controlled and one of the ways we can control that part is by doing things that will not fuel the feelings. Using the last example;
Your friend told you he got admission to study law and you are excited for him because that has been his dream since childhood but, at the same time you noticed yourself feeling jealous because the society does not really place importance on your own choice of study which is veterinary medicine. so how do we counter this feeling with an action?
A good one will be; telling him verbally "I am happy for you and I hope you become the best at what you are studying".
At this point it may feel as though you are telling a lie but our mind tends to follow our actions more than our feelings, so with practice if you do this, you will be able to get to a point where you don't feel as though you're telling a lie by saying this words because even though you are jealous, there's still some level of excitement in you for your friend-we just need to feed that excitement more than the jealousy.
That brings us to the end of this write-up on jealousy. Please let me know what you think and I hope it has been able to help you thank you.
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