I have to admit, last night I was a bit emotional and I know that it might sound contrary to popular belief. I Feel dads often get a bad wrap and it's hard work, we do have feelings and we do get emotional.
For me sadly, I think my time with lil miss is starting to come to an end. I'm no longer the only guy in the house, a moment I have been waiting 20 years for. My partner and I have been together since we were 11 and 12 both of us had dads who doubled as magicians. Their greatest trick was disappearing.
It's hard at times being the only bloke amongst sisters and sister in laws, being the eldest I am the first with kids so BBQs and family gatherings were always quite feminine. Lil Miss had been an all star in that space for the past 4 years, loves chilling out the back by the BBQ.
That was until lil bloke showed up, I was over the moon! Don't get me wrong I was jumping for joy when lil miss was born but as a dad you know that there will come a time when dad's not good enough. The future will be shopping trips and latest fashion etc things I care little about. At least I'll have a gym buddy to continue to keep me motivated once lil miss swaps weights for hand bags, I so secretly hope she doesn't 🤣
But it brings me back to my original point, I never knew how much time I had left and as a dad I feel that at times were often left out of all the cuddles and affection. I can't explain it but kids gravitate towards mum more so than dad. Of course, mum carried them around for 9 months and spent the next few months breast feeding and doing all the things that dads try but often fail at.
About a year in, dad becomes someone else cool to kick it with and do things. I jumped on my moment and every day I'd be out doing something bike riding, cafes, cooking, exploring going to all my favourite places.
The next 3 years were an absolute ball of a time, until recently. Lil Bloke has stated to "wake up" his 8 months now and can sit up and play with lil miss. Now my offers of bike rides, cafes and outings are met with "after".
My hear melts at the bond they are forming, there's nothing like sibling love and I know over the years they will need each other more than they need me. Again though I find myself on the out, from the "I want mum" or the "when mum coming home?" Days of a young lil miss. Lil bloke now does something similar but different.
From the moment he wakes he frantically searches, not for mum and dad as he can see us, but for his sister. Quite often crying and unsettled until she appears and he meets her with a smile. It's the most beautiful thing to witness and I can't believe how atune they are to each other at such a young age. Sibiling love is something so special and so unique that it is hard not to admire.
I look at mumma bear sometimes, and I can see the way she feels. For dad I sat by not being able to do much as lil miss wanted mum and I know mumma bear didn't know what that was like. But now, when she sees lil bloke not settle until lil miss appears I know she feels it to.
If I didn't know better, I'd say I've got another 2 years tops before I become a fully fledged walking, talking, Cash dispenser. But I'll take those two years and spend the rest having my heart filled with love as I watch these two grow ever so stronger, together.