I got it...
Let's see... No, it's not the date my high-school girl friend decided I should quit college instead of marrying her and living in my small hometown, it's a really bad idea was, and that sucker punching me and driving the two of us to our deaths off a cliff (where we had been enjoying the sunset earlier) was the win. That too... Shakespearean.
And it's not the date my date didn't go home after dinner, but instead spent the night sleeping in my car in my driveway, "because we're meant to be together". That's a very deadly attraction...
It should be this:
I had a relationship of convenience with Colleen, a very sweet Irish girl. She worked in HR for a client of mine, and we met when the client decided they needed staff internally to support a project I did for them. We brushed it off, and quickly became each other's number one calls when sensual desires reared their heads.
I was overjoyed when she called me. She changed little as she asked for a favor. His sister stayed with her for a while, and could I have taken her out for the evening? I was hesitant. I remembered her sister - short pointy fiery red hair (a plus), rail-thin, angry, tough (not a plus), wicked-smart (super plus). Colleen explained that she's really changed a lot since I saw her a few years ago, and I wouldn't have been disappointed, and that if I were, she would have made it for me.
OK, I'm in.
When I rang the doorbell, at first I didn't recognise Sheela. Had red hair, but wow, she had changed. Generous curves, a voluminous, the edgy doe is gone and shoulder-length curls are taking its place... it's like I was seeing a completely different woman. And she was super friendly, and I was glad to see. Big hug, quick kiss, grabbed her purse and off we went.
Dinner, drinking, a walk in the park, lots of amusing conversation, some serious flirting. And I found out that she was diagnosed a few years ago that she was hyperthyroid, and she had some other glandular disorder as a result, and with treatment, she was actually very different now. I was happy.
Eventually, she came onto my lap, kissed me, and said "Let's go back to the apartment."
In no time, we were in the living room, she dropped my pants on the floor and pushed me down on the couch, and took off her dress and hugged me, telling me very clearly that she how does the rest of the night want to go. She was kissing me, harshly, for the first time, there was an explosion of drywall and wood as the front door was broken.
A small, gaudy, very angry woman stood in the rubble, breathing. She looked at us, pointed to Sheela and didn't understand anything, then broke the stool once and, using one of his legs, ran at us, dropped Shelia on me, and took turns beating the two of us. Shouted "she mine! Keep away from her"
I'm trying to stand up, taking the stool leg away from her, protecting Sheila and rolling my pants around my ankles at the same time. As I grabbed her, and was wrestling for control of the stick, four police officers barged in through the door with guns.
Now, watch this: The crying woman is lurking in the corner. A fully clothed woman in anger is fighting a half-naked man. What's your immediate conclusion, officer?
Yes. happy times.
Eventually, it was all settled. There was no happy ending. Sheela was back in the city as she was on parole for embezzlement. She met Grace, a little angry lady in prison, and they became an object. Grace was on parole for second-degree murder, which was mortgaged. His second journey through the system. Grace was trying to get back with Sheela, Sheela was not feeling the love. Grace followed us all the night, and beat up the doorman to find out which apartment we have been going to.. The inspector called the police, told about their speedy arrival.
I was released, but Grace and Sheila both left with the officers, going back to prison for various parole violations. And Colleen? Crime scene tapes, a completely missing front door, and a ruined living room she didn't talk to me for months upon returning home...