Did you ever wonder what your emotions looked like? If they had a face, a personality of their own, something like from the movie Inside Out, but more of a "grown up" version?
How would you describe it to someone?
Anger
It's a paralyzing feeling for sure, we all felt it at some point of our life. The burning sensation that travels from your forehead, pulsing through your temples, rushing trough your face and stopping in your throat. There it would gather it's strength, making you want to scream and stay silent as a grave, all at the same time.
Burning ball of injustice, sadness and life long emotions, all gather right there. You are unable to talk, but still function daily. How can a person so angry still cut tomatoes, read a book, walk and not drown from the tightening inside. Traveling through your body, like an uninvited quest, without a permission, touching every memory and making you doubt your decisions.
But the anger never travels alone, it requires company, often making it like there is no anger at all, it's gone. Buried under a ruble of guilt and sadness, making you wonder what is really going on in there. But in there, where? Is it hiding in your mind, your memories or your future. Is it always there, lurking for the perfect opportunity to show it's ugly face?
Face? I imagine it not as a person, but rather a formation of some matter. If it had a head it would be a void, attached to you and occupying your ability to do anything. It must have a purpose, but it's hard to see anything while your sight is blurred by this void of nothingness.
It weights a ton, it's almost tiring to breathe or think about anything else. Every thought suddenly get's colored in that burning orange color, making your whole being swallowed by the fire of one such simple emotion.
Even when the burning ball of fire eventually leaves your mind, the residual feelings stay. Did you just bury it under some dirt made of some sunny days and few smiles, or did you embraced it, letting it burn you while you held on the void waiting for the outcome. Knowing far too well that you will see each other again but feeling proud that you at least learned a lesson this time around.
With love,
Tamara