The Day I Tendered My Resignation Letter

_{This should have been uploaded two weeks ago, but you know me. Some of my travel posts took years before I even start editing the photos. It's not that I can't do something like post within the day, it's just that I love to reminisce the feeling and process my thoughts about it. It's sort of therapeutic for me, so here we are, trying to keep our emotions in check.}

September 16, 2020 - The day I finally tendered my resignation from the company I worked for four years. It was not easy, but I felt I had to it or it would be difficult for me to get out if I would prolong it further. I have to admit that I really felt anxious now that I finally have a set date of unemployment. Those four years were basically filled with love-hate moments that I will surely miss.

To those who didn't know me, I am working in a semiconductor company here in Cebu. This is my first job after passing the Chemical Engineering Licensure Exam last May 2016. I started as a Product Engineer and I initially thought I was fit for the job. I was under a very capable supervisor who happened to be the one who established everything in our process. I was assigned at a Silver Plating Process and it was relatively new. For context, most of the silver plating processes here in the Philippines are cyanide-based. We are one of the very first companies to use organic-based solutions for silver plating.

Since everything was relatively new, the process was not that stable. I remember back in November 2016 that I experienced my first production stoppage due to the abnormality of the solution. It was exactly the first month since I was hired and I already helped in finding the root cause of the abnormality. We had to render overtime because we were given an ultimatum that the line should start its production the following week. It was Friday and I was supposed to meet my friends from college, but we stayed late doing confirmations and evaluations to replicate what happened to the plating solution. I should still be in training, but I was immediately immersed in the process.

I arrived home at 1:00 AM that day, but I had to wake up early to go back to the plant to do some testing of the replicated solution. We had to report by Monday about what really happened, but I found it strange my supervisor trusted me to find a mechanism of the abnormality. It was strange, but I obliged. I was able to make a report and we presented it to the top management. We had a clash of ideas with our Japanese counterparts, but I stood on what I presented. That was the start of how I earned the trust of my superiors.

My engineering work was fun. Of course, there were some bumps along the way, but those were the two years that set my expectations on the nature of work I like. I was given a certain level of autonomy as compared to my colleagues. I was able to explore the nature of my process into a particular depth that was impossible if I had no freedom to do what I liked to do.

I still had to align my activities to the objectives for my process, but other than that, I felt I was shielded from the true nature of the company by my supervisor. Since he was the one who established almost every parameter in the process, we can really jive into the technicalities and jargons related to the process. Also, whatever he says, no matter how ridiculous they are, the top management would listen to him.

It was very productive. We were able to minimize line stops and significantly increase the yield in our process.

And then he resigned. His reason: there's no more room for growth for him within the company. He was offered with a managerial position, but he declined the offer. He said it was time for him to leave.

He was replaced by my senior back in college, so we still get along well with my new supervisor. I still had the same level of autonomy as before and I was treated as his equal, not his subordinate. However, he also resigned after six months of being a supervisor. It turned out he had other plans that didn't align with the objectives of the company. He just wanted the position before leaving.

I was 1 year and six months in the company when I was forced to act as a supervisor. I was next in line so I had no choice, but to work directly under our manager. This was when things started to get sour to my taste. For the record, it was not because of our manager. It was because of the company culture and the constant interaction with other departments.

I already told my manager the moment he offered the position that I'm not really good at dealing with people. How much more if I would handle one whole process with engineers under me. He assured me that I would learn all those along the way. Maybe I learned a little bit on how to deal with people, but I would still choose to handle a problematic solution than to handle people.

I accepted the position after 6 months of acting as a supervisor, even if I was reluctant at first. I was thinking of maybe to stay for a year in the new position and then leave to find another job. But I stayed longer. Maybe because I was able to travel more due to the additional allowance associated with the position.

As an introvert, I had problems with delegating tasks, so I ended up doing the things that engineers should do. My workload piled up since I still have other deliverables as a supervisor. I still have to forecast the yield for the month based on the current running yield and on the actions taken by the team. I have to attend meetings, lots of meetings, that could have been discussed via email.

It became a roller coaster ride. Some days I was so productive and some days I wouldn't do anything. I thought that I should leave as soon as possible. In fairness, I was surprised I reached this far when I already thought of leaving even if I was still three months into the job. I thought maybe, just maybe, the company became a comfort zone all those years. Regardless of the love-hate relationship and the low salary considering my scope of work, I loved the idea of solving problems and seeing the impact of the actions done on the process.

I already planned my exit earlier this year, but I realized now that if there was no COVID-19, I would have stayed in the company no matter how I said I will leave. March this year, prior to the lockdown, I think that was the last straw that broke the camel's back. I was really disappointed with how the company responded to COVID-19. I can compare it with how the Philippine government handled the situation.

If my colleague didn't attempt to resign at the height of all the fears and uncertainties, I would have done it already. It was during that time I realized that employees are just replaceable parts in a company. No matter how good the image of a certain company is, when worse comes to worst, the interest of the company precedes over the welfare of its employees.

During the two months of no work, I made a promise that I won't be the same when I go back. They can't expect my full effort if they can't promise to protect their employees during emergencies. I didn't realize I carried that promise when we worked again last June. My productivity really plummeted and I hated it. At the same time, I got confused and conflicted. On one hand, I was guilty that I didn't give my all, but on the other, I was thinking they don't deserve my loyalty.

During my two months of stay at home, Hive became my source of life, both as a source of income and as a source of something to work on. Without Hive and the Hivers I talked to from all around the world, I would have gone crazy due to boredom. When I realized my rewards are enough to sustain my needs, I thought it's time to break away from a fucked up system.

I realized that what made me stay longer was because of the travels I had. When I got stressed with work, I just spent a long weekend at the beach somewhere here in Cebu or hiked to have overnight camping in the mountains. I would then go back to work the next week with renewed drive and anticipation for another travel.

When travel was restricted, I felt like a pressure cooker that's slowly heating up and building pressure inside. I don't want to snap one day because it would be a disaster. Travel was the only way for me to effectively manage my stress at work.

When I passed my resignation letter, my manager said that it was not a wise decision. He was not shocked because I already expressed my desire to resign even before all the shitstorm that happened. For me, staying in the company is not wiser. All I know is that I need to leave for my mental health.

Many expressed their awe, saying that I was so brave in resigning amidst the uncertainty. I would say it was not bravery, it was about freeing myself from the agony. I just couldn't take it anymore.

I have been feeling a little bit anxious about the uncertainty lately, but there's no going back now. My official day of unemployment will be on October 19, roughly two weeks from now. I'm now starting the transition to the new in-charge.

I don't know what will happen after, but I already conditioned my parents that I won't probably be able to support them in the coming months. I will work full time in Hive though. I hope that this will open new doors for me.

I will be dipping my toes in many areas that I never explored or too afraid to explore before. One thing is for sure, the first few months will be experiments to figure out what I really want to do after. For those who supported me in my Hive journey, you know who you are, I hope that you will still support me in the things that I will probably do. I won't limit myself to travel anymore. I'll be expanding my horizons.

I am really wishing that I could be a full-time Hiver without resorting to dubious activities in desperation for money. I will be doing a self-audit, that's for sure. As an advocate of transparency and accountability, self-audit is the only way to ensure that you're still on the right track even if no one's watching.

I'll immediately stop this experiment if I can feel I'm already falling into the abyss. I value my reputation here that I don't want it to be tarnished just because of money.

I guess that's all for this post. I'm excited for what's in store for me, may it be in Hive or in the real world. See you around folks!

_{To those who expressed their support in this move, thank you so much! I really appreciate everything. It lifts me up.}

Kim Ybañez

_{Welcome to Kim's small corner in Hive. He is a chemical engineer by profession, but a blogger by passion. He is a wanderlust and an adventure seeker. Join his quests as he visits secluded destinations, climbs mountains, tries new and exotic dishes, and explores his country (The Philippines) and the rest of the world even if he's still a poor corporate slave with tons of bills to pay and two siblings to support in college.}

_{If you like his content, don't forget to upvote and leave a comment to show some love. You can also reblog if you want to. Also, don't forget to follow him to be updated with his latest posts.}