There are different types of people in medical school, especially when it comes to results. There are those like me who try to stay indifferent as if, if we do it helps our anxiety. It usually doesn’t in the end though.
There are those who are so high on neuroticism. I guess it is neuroticism because if I consider myself indifferent and I have mostly negative thoughts but these people spiral into the deep of negative thinking. Or is it fear. This is not to praise my character. I actually consider my state a disorder. When many of them are talking about how bad a result is. I am never able to predict just how bad it is and how hard I need to work for the next exam to make up for my inadequacies. I think the neurotics in my class make up the majority and my indifference is rare. Or maybe there are those who are indifferent and are good at faking neuroticism, which seems far beyond my scope of detection.
Among the neurotic are those who poke into the matter and to me are the most real neurotics if there ever was such a thing. They call faculty members, lecturers, doctors, family members trying to hazard a guess as to the performance of the class and in so doing uproot rumors from the ground. Rumors who by themselves were about to germinate into truths without their help.
I do my best to keep my ears shot and run away from such information. But every year I’m roped in. This year I appear to want to even propagate some of these messages. This year’s rumors have been the best so far. It is a smaller fail rate. I hope and I pray not to be part of the failing few but that has made me seek to confirm the message.
My fear of failing has made me neurotic...an indifferent neurotic. Rumors that the date of the release of our result may be sooner than I thought.
A weird end of this story would be if I made calls to anyone be it lecturer or doctor or friend or family to make sure I passed. But that I didn’t at least that’s if you don’t consider God a lecture, doctor, friend, or family.
I’LL KEEP PRAYING.
