Before writing, I asked two people if they believe a relationship should be 50/50. The first thing I realized was that everyone has different definitions for 50/50. So let me begin by explaining my 50/50.
When I say 50/50, I’m talking about two people giving just 50% of their effort in a relationship. So if it’s finances, you both divide the bills; if it’s emotional support, you only give 50%; if it’s attention, just 50%. So simply put, you never give more than half of anything in the relationship.
For others, like one of the people I asked before writing, it’s more about finances. For them, 50/50 is about sharing bills or anything related to finances. And this is where the woman brings half of the bill at hand, the same as the man, and then it becomes a hundred.
The first person(a gen z) I asked said she doesn’t believe in 50/50. And her definition aligned with the first explanation. She said she believes that her man should provide 70% of whatever effort they put in the relationship while she puts in 30%. I gave her a judgy look because, knowing her, she was just bluffing, and I had to quickly remind her that she even puts in more than 70% in her relationship.
The second person(a millenial) I asked was a man, and his definition aligned with the second. And he said “naaaaa” to 50/50, which kind of made me laugh. He said he doesn’t believe that a man and a woman in a relationship should split bills, but he didn’t really tell me why. I’m tempted to say it’s because of how he was brought up, but let me not draw any conclusions.
One of the things that I’m gradually learning is to give your 100% to everything you do in life. Two things can happen: either it works out or it doesn’t. And it applies to relationships too. I believe that there’s absolutely no point in why I should be in something that I claim to make me happy and not give in my all. Then what am I doing there?
This generation just find a way to complicate everything they put their hands on. People say love with your mind, not your heart, and I just wonder the kind of experiences they went through to come to that conclusion. Because it takes some level of brokenness to come to that conclusion. And people forget that we are all different people. The fact that you got heartbroken in high school doesn’t mean people don’t find their sweethearts over there.
So you see, I don’t even believe in 50/50, be it finances, emotions, or whatever. If I’m with you, it’s because I’m happy, I’m at peace, and most importantly, I'm comfortable. And so if I have to give, then I’m putting my best effort into whatever we are building. Not half.
“What if it doesn’t work out?”
Well, what if it does?
Images are mine