Thinking about the things that terrify me makes me feel nervous.
Facing these worst fears, in reality, can be so difficult.
I always thought my fears were things like monsters, clowns, and the dark. So I tried to avoid these things that terrified me and felt safe when I did.
But as I grew older, I realized that my true fears weren't these things. They were the things I couldn't see but I felt. The things that lived inside my heart that couldn't be forgotten and made my blood run cold.
Image edited by me
FAILURE
I never thought I was afraid of failure.
But the very thought of failure tears me apart. The thought of amounting to nothing. The idea of having no home, no job, no real life, ending up nowhere.
The thought of not being able to build my own family, and lead the world I long to lead.
Every second of my life, this fear terrorizes me. Eats me up. Rips up my insides and pulls apart parts of my brain.
I understand failure is inevitable. I acknowledge that failure is necessary for growth. But for me, it's hard. I don’t want to be a failure. No one does anyway.
LOSING MY LOVED ONE
The feelings of having a shattered broken heart, getting to know that the very person I love is gone, living in a world where no one else is even remotely associated with me, a world where I am all alone, and there’s no way out of it, a world where the people I love and those who once loved me, just don’t exist, and losing all memories spent together, are what scares my heart.
It makes me feel lost, confused, and lonely. I would never wish to experience this.
GIVING UP
This is probably one of the scariest for me.
Being someone who has gotten so close to giving up, I know how easy it is to reach that point where you feel like nothing is worth it anymore, a point where the pain just seems so unbearable and you just need to make it stop.
I know giving up is not the answer so I'll say to myself
I’m stronger. I’m happier. I’m not as weak as before. I’m learning, and I’m living. I’m surviving. I’m thriving. I’m trying my best to live, and I’d like to say I’m grateful for every second I have here
But what happens if this fades?
If it leaves me behind, with no tracks whatsoever. What do I do then?
What happens if it gets too tough again?
If the whole world decides to go against me?
If I’m just not strong enough?
Do I fall back in?
Will I fall back in too deep?
Will I give up?
I don’t want to.
So that's why giving up scares me a lot.
Knowing that all these are my fears, I will always work so hard to prevent them from happening. I wont let this fear stop me from growing and achieving my goals, because they now inspire me to be stronger and more aware.