Tradition is one of those things we don't really choose, we inherit it. It's something that's passed down from generations to generations. It also have a way of getting under our skin. They influence what we hold dear, the way we transverse the world and often what's non-negotiable.
But I think just because we inherited it, doesn't mean everything we inherit are worth preserving, traditions sometimes have the power to drain you rather than inspire. Making you feel like if you dare question it, you're being disrespectful.
There's one that gets under my skin particularly, and that's the practice of the bride price. Especially in Nigerian household, there's an expectation that women have to marry young and not just marry, but marry in a way that follows a strict script. If by your mid-twenties you're not preparing for a wedding, then people start looking at you like something's wrong, like you're wasting time or getting old. it's also a requirement for a guy to "pay" the bride's family before he gets married in many culture. It might seem like a gesture of respect or honour. But in some cases, it's anything but respectful
Some bride price lists read like a shopping catalogs. I'm talking absurd things. You'll see things like "excursion of bride to her husband's house fee", "eldest man of the family fee", "a suitcase full of cash", "youths of the family fee" plus money for uncles, aunties, cousins and all extended family who wants a cut. For what exactly? No one could explain 😂 I'm a girl myself
At some point, it's no longer culture, but a transaction, one that reduces the woman to a property and places economic strain on couples before they even start a life together.
Also, if the man cannot meet the demands, he's considered unserious. The families, on the other hand, judge the success of the marriage depending on how big the bride price was, rather than the healthiness of the relationship
I know not everyone will agree. Some argue that bride price maintain respect. That it's not about the money but about honouring the family
Let's not even talk about Wife inheritance, where the widow is inherited by a male relative of her late husband. Or female circumcision
But of course, not all traditions are problematic. Like the way we gather during harvest season or a festive period or funeral ceremonies, the elders naming children, storytelling around a fire, traditional music and dance
And, I also think that traditions reminds us of who we are. Not everything old is wise, neither is everything that's new better, so the real problem here is knowing or determininh when to honor tradition and when to let it evolve
What about you? Is there a tradition you've held onto?
image is mine