We were discussing diagnosis and hospital bills and seeing a doctor with my friend one day and he dropped the question, "If you die now, would you say you lived?" And I answered Yes, without hesitation.
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I found peace in giving a positive response because as it stands, I have no regrets. I have lived my life on my terms, going after the things my heart wants that are reachable and exploring life.
And with each passing day, I am grateful for the gift of self-awareness. The fact that I am constantly learning to know myself like the wise ones advised, "Man, know thyself" is a beautiful part of my existence. I know things I can and cannot do. And I try as much as I can to get into a situation with a concrete plan in hand.
Aimlessly or mindlessly jumping into something without any blueprint isn't something you will find me doing. I must have thought long and hard about the various loopholes before embarking on them. This means I do often know what I'll do if certain things happen. I know that life can be uncertain but having a plan often helps. And it's because we will always not have to fall flat on our faces if the tides turn against us.
So, if there's a death bell today, I would gladly answer because I have lived. But if the Almighty decides I still have a purpose I haven't fulfilled and wants me to stay longer so I can fulfill them then I'll gladly oblige.
The thought of dying never makes me afraid, there are other things I am afraid of and death doesn't seem to be one of them.
But I have another friend, who said he was afraid of dying because he imagines how difficult it would be for him to stay calm in a cubicle. You know the rectangle box every dead person gets to own regardless of their status while they were alive? So, this friend doesn't ever want to imagine being in that cubicle because, in reality, he hates tiny spaces. He loves having lots of space so being in the box freaks him out plus all the darkness he is going to witness.
There is often one thing I am curious about, what happens when we die? Does everything stay quiet and dark? Will we be self-aware? Or will everything come to a standstill and we have no idea what's going on around us? Is there a land of the dead?
I have heard a different version of what will happen when we die the only convincing part is always the one where our souls get to await judgment. The rest... I doubt if I still remember them.