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Facing challenges is an inevitable experience you have to encounter. Maybe you just overcame some challenges recently or you might be in one currently, whatever the case is, it is not easy to smile in difficult times but sadness can also be managed.
In this post, we will get to see if really we can decide to be happy in bad situations. Is our feelings during bad situations depended on just merely decisions and the mind? Even if a truck falls on your leg, can you still choose to be optimistic about your future?
Recently my friend texted me in these words:
"Pre Pre, have been in a daunting situation ever since i started work at "jamia mall" where my boss is really frustrating me. Whenever she comes, am not always the best of my self. I blame her for any mistake I make during my working hours. I usually use her as an affirmation of unproductivity, after all, it won't be my fault if anything goes wrong, her presence is quite intimidating."
But does my friend feel intimidated without her permission? Does her boss come to do all these things to her, and my friend agrees to them? That is where everything lies.
Your mood, reactions to things, temperaments and personality traits are things and habits you gave permission to become part of you. Nothing comes right in except you say "yes" to it.(not as easy as I write though but you are in charge, remember!)
Harsh Situations may happen to you, but your response to it is what determines your state of mind. Yes, you did receive a bad news, which sometimes it is nearly impossible not to get those kind of phone calls but hey, it is not what happens to us which we cannot totally control but how we respond to these situations that determines our level of self empowerment and emotional maturity.
Be Proactive Rather Than Reactive
Even if your boss is stepping on your toes, your parent is not understanding your plight, your life is a moving in a thin rope, whatever it is, the winner is the only person who will be recognized in the end of the race and that winner is a proactive person. No matter how we try to embrace our mistakes and weaknesses, let's not use it as an affirmation to settle for mediocrity, rising up back without blaming other people will emerge you a winner someday.
What is Proactivity?
This balls down to stimulus(feelings) and response(actions).
Proactivity means that we are merely responsible for our lives. The word response-ability is the ability to decide your response. Blaming people, situations, past events or conditions for your ill manner of treating people, your work and yourself is what a proactive person never do. Their attitude is a result of their deliberate choice of how to react to events which is most times based on set down inherent values and principles rather than feelings or emotions.
That is, you can choose to love your spouse all over again just like the first time you looked straight to their eyes, if only you decide.
What is Reactivity?
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A reactive person is one who reacts to everything that happens to them. If they are called a "moron", they will gradually start having the face of a "moron" truly. Have learnt that in life, you don't always have to notice everything that happens around you, it is not everything you give your time, energy and attention to for your safety. Sometimes, you need to by pass somethings especially when you are training to become a proactive person. These people are often affected by the the day to day weather, if it is sunny or cold, they always have something to complain about and have mood swings for.
Their happiness and mood is depended on things out there not things within them(like values). They are people with no fence where anything can come right in and crush them into pieces.
A bad day at work, a sunny weather, a spilled coffee and many other bad events determines their daily moods which will becomes an habit if it is done consistently. That is why we see people who are used to complaining and blaiming everything around them. It all started with a step.
The Bottom Line
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Now am referring to you, I mean you reading this through. How proactive are you? Or reactive? What are you willing to change? Do you always blame people for your misfortune or sometimes smash your phones because of poor network or recieving a bad news? Do you blame your boss for not increasing your salary?
Well, I guess all you need is to genuinely decide to become responsible for anything that finds a way to our hearts. Am not saying you should accept responsibility of fraud in your work place when you are innocent, this as to do with your personal affirmation. Even if we can't totally control what happens to us, taking responsibility does more good than harm. You are broke because you caused it, you are who you are because of the decisions you made in the past. When you accept this, you become highly proactive.
Accepting things makes you to move forward to your set goals but when you cling on past events and react to them, you will become too blind to see your future.
The worst thing that can ever happen to any man is one who still feels the stimulus of events that happened years back and that same stimulus is choosing their responses till today and possibly, tomorrow. How worrisome is that? Very!
Set the values/principles and let them define you no matter what the world pours on you. It all starts with a step of choice, then practise and consistency, it will definitely become very easy to control how you feel.