Source [Credit- Hush Naidoo Jade Photography]
As much as I’d like to get my own apartment and begin living alone since it allows for the luxury of privacy which I so much crave, plus being able to do what I want exactly when I want it without any sort of hinderance or disturbance, especially work and business related, I’d rather not. Regardless of maturity and financial independence to a certain degree, I'd rather not due to my health.
The constantly recurring health issues is one factor that has been holding me back for months, hence the inability to make a decision whether to get a personal apartment or not. You may be wondering exactly what I'm referring to. It's really simple. I'm hypertensive and it's been a tough one since it began.
I've been hypertensive since 2018, I was 20 at the time and I've been on medications ever since. The usual response I get whenever I mention to anyone that I'm hypertensive is 'but you're still young, you must have a lot on your mind to be hypertensive at such a young age. and blah blah. Trust me I've got a lot on my mind but that's not the case. There's a difference between critical/constructive thinking and simply worrying. I have an overactive mind, I think a lot but I'm not a worrier. My hypertension is simply genetic. Dad was hypertensive so.. You know the rest.
Source [Credit- Volodymyr Hryshchenko]
I've been placed on permanent medications. I hate it when I say permanent medications but it is what it is. With time I may have to call it past tense but for now I'm completely dependent on them.
Back to track
I think we're losing track here, let's get back. I'm 24 at the time and as much as I'd like to live alone, I can't due to fear of having a major crisis without anyone being around to help pick up my drugs from my work table or the top shelve before I pass out completely. It's also the major reason I couldn't live alone while I was still in the university. I get hypertension so bad that I sometimes have difficulty in breathing.
Nifedipine was my go-to drugs at the time, which I has to stop later on due to the excessive side effects such as over-bearing headache, fatique, constipation, addiction and worst of all tremor in my left hand.
The tingling left arm did't wear off until two years after I stopped using it. Was administered a new set of medications (permanent medications) which I began using 2020 June and there's been improvement ever since.
An Episode
I get sudden spikes in my blood pressure very often, which isn't always pleasant. Makes me feel like I'm going to come out of my body via something called death whenever it happens.
Source [Credit- Aron Visuals]
In fact, a few days ago, I had an episode and I thought that was gonna be it. I woke up on saturday morning feeling perfectly. I took a walk to the bathroom and suddenly felt dizzy. I shook it off initially and went back to bed but it suddenly became worse. I could barely grasp what was in front of me while simultaneously feeling tired. My breath was literally leaving me. I had to reach for my work table, took those tablets off their sachets (four tablets altogether) and found my way to the dining room for some water, after which I threw them into my mouth and went back to bed.
Two minutes later and I wasn't feeling any better. At this point I was struggling to keep myself awake while trying to catch my breath, Long story short, I had to call out to my mom and told her how I was feeling. Surprisingly, she was calm (she's a nurse).
Spurce [Credit- Manik Roy]
My blood pressure was checked and it was the unexpected - 139/98. It indicated mild hypertension (yes, we have a spygmomanometer at home - exactly like the one seen above.). I don't know how I remained awake but it was a miracle. I was taken care of and the rest is history.
TIme will tell
Today is Thursday but I'm still on bed rest as I'm still recovering, but slowly. I shouldn't be writing this article right now since I can barely see what's in front of me but I'm tired of being on bed and I simply need to keep myself busy. The sense of purpose and yada yada.. like humans do.
It's not fair really truly that I have to go through all these. As much as I'd like to move away from home.. I can't. Makes me think - maybe I'd have to wait till I get married before living alone.
Maybe.. maybe not. Time will tell.