Did I arrive? Where did I intend to go?
After cycling 5’052 kilometres to the south of Turkey I find myself in a sudden moment of calmness. I can’t help but wonder if I arrived at my destination. But I have never had one. If there is no destination how do you know, when it is enough. When to keep going and when to stop and change.
Is it time to ditch the bike or should I keep on suffering on two wheels?
Will I keep on eating banana and peanut butter with unwashed oily hands? Do I want to keep on taking breaks on the side of the road covered in dust, asking myself why I need to cross another mountain? Am I ready to give up the freedom of reaching anywhere I go by pedalling with my own legs? No more wild camping?
“Bikepackers tend to have the brain of goldfishes when it comes to suffering.” A sentence I read in a Bikepacking-Magazine (yes such a thing exists!) in a Guesthouse in Negotin, Serbia. The sentence sticked, unfortunately I can’t recall the Author. But he was right!
While I am in the middle of a mission, cycling uphill in the dark not knowing where to set up the tent, or when I cycle on a busy road and a heavy truck passes barely 20cm next to me, in a tunnel with poor light, I am telling myself: “Never again! Who’s stupid idea was this?”
But the same day, sometimes only moments after I survived the drama, I am the happiest person on this planet, at least that’s what it feel like. And I believe it was the best idea of my life to go on such an expedition. “Did I ever say the contrary?”
Goldfish brain.
For the first time on this trip I am having a break that lasts longer than three nights. Since one week and one day I haven’t cycled nor touched my bike.
It feels great. I feel like a real person again. I have showers, eat cooked food, sleep in, write, swim, there are so many things you can do in one day, when you don’t cycle hundreds of kilometres until exhaustion.
I am surprised how fast a day can pass by when you let it. Suddenly I know where I will sleep that night, suddenly I am safe, and suddenly I have to make an effort to “do things”.
The shortest walks are giving me muscle ache and I realize, that in the past 5 months I didn’t do any walking further than in and out a supermarket.
I enjoy the break I say, but it also gives me time to glorify the cycling adventure that brought me here and forget about all the many struggles.
Goldfish brain.
Should I keep on traveling on those two wheels, or is it time for a change?
How about your Goldfish brain?
Thank you all for passing by it is a pleasure to share this journey with you!
All photos and words are my own.