I live in Southern Brazil, so way down south in the Southern Hemisphere.
Closer to Antarctica than to the USA or to Europe. In fact, Brazil's northernmost point is closer to Canada than to its southernmost point.
We're huge.
Some people think this nation is just the Amazon and parties in Rio, but that's an old stupid stereotype.
Where I live, it's different, but summer is still summer. The heat, the sun, the way everything shines even at night.
It makes things more lively. And that's something that even if Autumn has just started, I already miss. It's something that now with all these hardships I'm going through make me realize nature and the environment around us is much more important than I thought.
Walking to the beach is simple during summer. You just get those legs to work and in 5 minutes your sandals are deep in the sand. That different terrain, that natural terrain; It's a contrast to the asphalt and the bricks we have behind them, it makes you happy, it makes me want to just joyfully run around as much as I can - Not too much, I do have knee problems, but it's better than running around in the pavement or the middle of the hot asphalt street, the street where if you put an egg on, it'll get fried.
But now, now I know that'll take a while to come back. Autumn is nothing but a child as of yet, but the winds from the South Atlantic seem like a warning in the ides of March.
Don't come here
Is what the beach is telling us. Sand already comes into your eyes and ears, gets my glasses dirty and bruises your legs.
The rainy season is over, but the dryness doesn't make things any better. It just makes the cold that much more exacerbated.
I know what's to come now. Pictures such as these will lose their yellow tint. It'll all be blue. The sun turns into a introvert and my mornings will have lots more blankets around them. As I walk out the house, I know it won't just be my t-shirt - gotta get em' hoodies on too.
The real cold hasn't even started yet. Our daily temperature average has only dropped about 5 to 6 degrees celsius. But I can feel it.
Everyday I had my fan on, now it just sits beside me, it'll see no use until the next summer starts creeping around, if I can last for that long.
It'll need a cleaning, or maybe I'll just put a plastic over on it. Again, the south atlantic winds come in through my window, I don't need any help from fans or to fix my broken AC. Even if climate change is destroying it all, at least for now I can just take solace, and enjoy this. No need to tire my old Mega Turbo 30 Six Britania fan (what a stupid name).
But the saddest part for me is...
This will die. My Passionfruit Vine will do its yearly ritual, of becoming just tiny little brittle sprouts on the ground, waiting for a good season, to give us a good harvest. It's stopped growing, it's still huge, and it'll still give us a couple more fruit while the harvest is possible, but it'll stop. Everything gets tired eventually, when such things have no more energy to keep going, it's like me.
My mental health is exhausted, I'm hanging on by a thread.
But just like the vine, my sanity wains, it dies, everything becomes bleak.
But time passes, it grows again, it gets its life juices, its fuel. I guess Autumn and Winter are just good time to relax, or try to.
Times to try and get my head together. Maybe by the next summer I'll be just like my vine. Bearing fruit, bringing happiness, being complete.
It's March. Some will say it's still march, others will say it's already March. For me, it does not matter. The calendar flipping signifies almost nothing, the passage of time keeps moving, and we all move along with it.
I just hope that I can take the best possible route of wherever time lets me go. I hope I can make some proud. I hope I can just smile again and not get stuck in bed.
I shouldn't put too much pressure on myself, I'm still young. And using the damn vine again as an analogy: It grows on its own. It has no boss. Time goes by, the sun and rain hits it, grows.
I don't need to pressure myself, I just need to heal, and maybe, just maybe... I'll have another great summer to remember.
Taken in the mouth of the freshwater Araranguá River
All pictures taken by me.