This morning, I ran out of coffee and half awake, I ran to the roastery to get some good roasted beans. The thing is, I was half awake and didn’t realize I purchased whole beans rather than grinded beans. As soon as I reached home, I remembered, how would I brew the coffee without turning the beans to ground coffee?

Apparently, we can use our chopper and blender but it won’t yield a good consistency. But I was like, screw that! I can grind them just fine with it. So I did and apparently, for V60, you can still get medium-fine consistency just fine with pulsing techniques.

While making my coffee, I remember how I am basically living without much responsibility now and it gets to me.

It’s funny how life turns out to be. Back in the day, I was responsible for 2 households, my own expenses, rent, and all medical bills.

I deserve a good pat on the back, I think 😀

After not paying rent for a year, I started to feel weird. People my age usually worry about rent, mortgage, and that drives them to work harder to afford everything there is to afford. As much as I still pay yearly housing tax, it’s not as much as rent that I used to pay monthly.

As soon as my father, biological father, and grandma passed, suddenly, I was no longer responsible to that many people, paying for their lives and their food. Looking back, I don’t know how I did it but I kinda did.

So, lately I started to question, I used to chase this kind of freedom, the feeling where I only have to pay for myself and that’s all there is to it. But, what now? It’s kind of boring to just live like this. I think one has to live with some type of drive or otherwise, you’ll be a drifter.

I observed my cousin who recently got married and he suddenly got his act together after a baby girl and some mortgage. It seems like some responsibility is indeed the driving force for someone to get their act together. I mean, when I was on rent and paying for everybody’s food, there was always, “ Well, they gotta eat tomorrow” they just can’t eat anything like I do.

It’s another transition time for me after a good year of carrying such a heavy burden. This is all weird to me that suddenly I can pick and choose my responsibility. As much as I like Free Will that I have and the freedom to do whatever I want to do, there’s something bothering me that I haven’t found the thing that I should care about.

Maybe I should do stuff again because I like it, not because of out of responsibility watching me like a hawk on my shoulders. Maybe I should take up on something that fancies me and make it my responsibility.

It’s like my life was being reset to zero and I am free to decide anything from this moment and on.

One thing for sure is that I am back on the job market and hustling again, just for the fun of it. Honestly, I am okay with anything as long as I have that feeling of being responsible and having more responsibility.

There are a few things on my mind, like a slow bar is one of them which grows on me because that sounds doable and I have a space in my house that fits for that. I don’t know but as I am bound to be working on something again from now on, I desperately need that feeling of being responsible.