uh, a lot of stuff has gone down in 2 years, i got TONS of questions, and at the same time i got a bunch of stuff i need to get out here, not really for people who are just being nosy about it, but more for me. and the future me.
I think the last two years have really sucked for everyone, my mom's still sick, and at the same time she's been pretty mental, my brother got sick, and my abusive stepdad's finally got kicked out of the house and that left me as the only head of the family... it's crazy to me how I gotta deal with everyone else's mistakes. So I don't have time to worry about my own health... because honestly nobody cares how healthy I am because I just smile all the time so.. I must be fine, right?
I managed to get two jobs, make some money, get depressed because it's just been work, sleep, work,sleep, and I can't even save a single penny in my account because everything keeps losing value... Venezuela at its finest, we're slowly falling into this deep abyss of emptiness and powerlessness. "oh poor thing, trump invaded your country you must be so mad at him" first of all sit down and shut up, what happened was actually the best case scenario, but we're still stuck in the claws of S and C but ugh I don't even wanna talk about politics today, it's so gross that stuff just makes you totally depressed.
My mom's illness has been draining, like, physically, mentally, and financially... Having to ask for help, having to explain why I need it, having to sit down with my mom not once or twice or three times but like a bunch of times to talk about whether she actually wants to get surgery... sometimes she says yes, sometimes she says no. The doctors suck, because it's pretty likely the tumor is cancerous, and even though I've gotten her expensive tests done, neither of us really believe that removing a tumor helps or that chemo actually heals... but the doctors are all focused on what's supposed to be done. They're the experts, right? And meanwhile the amount of money we need to raise is over 3 grand... in Venezuela it's not easy to make that kind of money. The official salary is like 4 bucks a month of work and a basic grocery haul costs over 400 bucks. Where I work I make 200 a month, and like 50 to 70 of that goes to utilities, and the rest goes to food and that's it. Literally either I don't eat anything and save money, or I eat and don't save anything while the health of all three of us gets worse.
Anyway... the little savings I have are for someday buying a house or traveling outside the country... I can't travel now and leave my sick mom... and my brother with Down syndrome who's sick too.. while I go to another country just to 1. get treated like crap for being a foreigner 2. end up with some shitty job where I get walked all over and paid like garbage 3. hope things work out "okay" because if they don't I'd have to come back.
mom ... is doing her best tbh ... trying to keep living as if nothing bad is going on and focus on the good things...
among other news... with the "arrival" of AI I stopped drawing because honestly there's just no point in keeping up with illustrating when literally anyone can and PREFER to use AI to generate images...
so basically... my life as an illustrator and animator died.
at least it died job-wise...
and the last thing is... hive is falling apart in pieces lol without any real direction, and just a bunch of people making pointless projects, tons of people pretending to be artists who just upload AI images.
i can't believe the future is: robots making art... while us humans end up like broken junk tossed aside that can't create, because there's already a machine doing all the creating.
i don't draw for other people anymore... i draw for myself... maybe one day i'll share my projects... or maybe not, all i can say is that my 30s are turning out pretty bitter.
byeeeee
