The last few weeks have been rather difficult due to severe frost, power outages, missile attacks, and a heavy workload.
I’m back to teaching after a one-month vacation. Honestly, I expected to have more energy and enthusiasm after it. But I don’t. Probably the weather is the reason. It has been around 20–25 degrees below zero for weeks. But it’s getting warmer now. The weather forecast says it will be about 2–5 degrees above zero in a few days. Can you imagine the difference? It’s not surprising that my blood pressure has gone a bit crazy.
Although, on the other hand, I read somewhere that loss of strength after returning from vacation is a normal process. Yes, it sounds quite paradoxical, but I'd probably rather agree with it than not. In the last week of vacation, I'm constantly haunted by the thought that I want to quit... I know I'll regret it if I do it. But this thought haunts me all the time. It's as if the devil himself is sitting on my shoulder and whispering: "Do it! It will be easier for you! No obligations! You'll get enough sleep! You worked as a freelancer for seven years!" It's really hard for me, because I love what I'm doing now. But I just don't have enough strength.
In the evenings, I’m full of dreams and plans. But in the morning, everything falls apart.
I woke up today at 7:30 — not too early. The lesson was supposed to begin at 9:30, so I had enough time for my morning coffee and a few pleasant things, such as checking my dogs’ social media blogs. Last month, I was quite consistent with posting there. I don’t think I’ll succeed in monetising it, but at least I’m learning more about content creation. It might be useful in the future.
However, all my plans fell apart because of my general condition. I could barely conduct my online lesson, and by the end of it, my energy was gone. I always try to do my best while teaching, so it’s quite demanding even on my best days. But today I felt completely drained. My eyes were closing. I was sleepy. It felt like a real catastrophe.
My work is primarily mental. I need a clear mind for it. I can do some physical work when I feel sleepy, but I can’t think, write, or analyse. I keep postponing my plans again and again… and I honestly don’t know what to do about it. I hope spring will bring me more energy.
