There’s an old film starring Michael Douglas that comes back into my mind every few years or so. The story follows a man who played by the rules of the game, only to lose everything anyway. Eventually, he snaps, unleashing all of his frustrations with the world in the most unhealthy — and yes, entertaining — ways imaginable.
Most people probably know the movie, Falling Down. At this point, it’s a classic. But like any piece of media or entertainment, there are real observations about human psychology buried inside it. We tend to think — and I’m certainly guilty of this too — that sociopathic or deeply destructive behavior can only be carried out by inherently evil people. But I think that belief is comforting more than it is true.
How often do we hear stories about someone getting into a street fight over road rage, only for it to end with someone dead? What began in their mind as “teaching someone a lesson” becomes the worst mistake of their entire life. A few minutes of chaos end up reverberating for decades.
I’ll gladly admit that Falling Down is hyperbolic in its presentation of this phenomenon. But I think that exaggeration is precisely what makes it valuable. It plants a giant red flag in the center of our consciousness.
All of us — without exception — can be pushed into extremes.
Decades ago, I had one of those moments myself. Punching a wall and destroying a refrigerator left me with physical scars, screws that permanently became part of my biology, and thankfully nothing worse than a bruised ego. But that day taught me something important: I am fully capable of losing control.
To me, one trait of wisdom is recognizing the situations that push us in that direction — the moments that can potentially bring out the absolute worst in us — and having the courage to walk away. To be comfortable with not being right, or not being righteous. To understand that we can survive a bruised ego, and that it’s certainly cheaper than doctor’s bills or the heavy hand of the justice system.
The good news is that all of us have the ability to work on how we respond to these situations. At first, an easily angered person may have to fake restraint. But eventually, they stop faking it. Rewiring can happen. It does happen when people practice metacognition — when we take the time to think about how we think.
Because yes, the imaginary scenario in our heads feels satisfying. We win the fight. We defeat evil. We gain respect. We punish those who “deserve” it.
But in the end, the biggest fight — or at least the only one that truly matters — is the one happening inside our own minds.
And to win that one, we need nothing but ourselves.
MenO