Has life ever pushed you to the edge? Have you ever felt no one wants you or everyone just wants to use you and you felt so frustrated that you want to end everything or give up on yourself? Sometimes you feel God doesn't want you, life is treating you unfairly and something whispers to you"why not end everything so that everyone will be happy? Nobody wants you"
There were times in my life I wanted to just end it all or follow what other girls do to earn money.
When I was in secondary school, I always felt like my parents didn't want me and they preferred my siblings to me. From my grades to the house chores, I always get scolded. They compared me to my siblings cause they had better grades than I did. I felt so out of place, had low self esteem until my ex came into my life. Jhay was the best thing that had happened to me, he made me feel wanted, not having the suicidal thoughts anymore because I wanted to see him often. He made me see myself in a different light.
We both went to different universities, we made sure to check up on each other, we were not perfect but we completed each other in a way. Everything was moving so fast for us until he asked me to ask my mom if she would accept him as a son in law and my mom refused cause of his tribe. we didn't want to break up but then we couldn't continue due to the tension.
Back to square one, the silent cries, the inner shouting, the silent moment where you wish everyone would just disappear but life has to go on.
I felt my world crumbling beneath me when I finished service and all doors were locked for me, all plans to leave my home proofed abortive, everything was against me, even my parents. I was so frustrated, I made plans to run from home to where my parents won't find me. I was so heartbroken that they didn't want me to leave home, nothing to do where I stayed at all.
A friend of mine introduced me to hookup. lol I know it sounds disheartening that I even thought of it but I did. we already made plans that he'll have a share as he'd get me the clients, I agreed. I gave him a condition of sugar daddy and all cause I heard they paid more(I'm laughing so hard right now).
I got to talk to the man, he agreed to pay me 150,000 Naira for half a day, on the set day, I backed out. I couldn't see myself doing what other ladies do and I condemned it so badly. I Felt so ashamed of myself and then, I heard it.
Why are you in a rush? Why not just wait for my timing? I cried when I heard this and I realized I had given up on myself and the promises of God for me. Indecided to wait.
It wasn't long all doors began opening for me and I left home, got a better paying job, I won't say I'm there yet but I'm on the right track to my destiny.
What kept me going was my siblings, my mom and God. Whenever I think of how they'll all feel when I make a wrong decision made me feel bad and I didn't want to disappoint them and myself.
I learnt my parents love me a lot, they want what's best for me and they know what's best for me. They nagging then was for my own betterment. I also learnt I should be patient, wait for God's timing. It might seem late but it's never too late. I'm glad I never Gave up.