The notion that most people get in their mind when they hear of self love is a picture of someone who thinks only about himself or herself, someone who does not care about others or someone who is proud and egoistic in nature that he only think about himself. But the truth is self love is far from that. If we can see it from a different perspective, we will understand that self love is understanding the fact that before you can truly give value to others, you need to value yourself first and be stable inside. When I say self love is not selfishness, I'm simply saying that a person is allowed to care for themselve, their mind, their body, and even their peace before others.
Some people might ask, if I put other people’s needs before mine, isn’t that what it means to be selfless? The truth is, many confuse the two ideas.
Selflessness and self love may appear to be opposites, but when you look closely, they actually support each other. Many people think that a selfless person must always give, sacrifice, and neglect their own needs, while a person who loves themselves must focus on their own comfort. But in reality, genuine selflessness grows from self love. When a person understands and values himself/herself, they are able to give to others sincerely.
Selflessness becomes harmful when it is done without self love. Some people give so much of themselves that they become exhausted. They say yes to everything because they want to be accepted or appreciated. They sacrifice their peace, their rest, and even their well being which at first, it may look like an act of kindness, but over time, it becomes a burden. When someone gives without taking care of themselves, they eventually run out of strength to continue giving out.
Many people have the believe that putting themselves first before others is wrong. Most people prioritize everyone else, their family, friends, work, responsibilities and at the end of each day, they leave no space for their own well being. With time, they begin to feel tired and frustrated. And when a person reaches this point, even the help they want to give others becomes weak because they have nothing left within them.
You need to observe your life and understand when you are pushing yourself too much, when you need rest, and when you need to say no. Many people struggle with this because they want to please everyone. They want to be available at all times, to show that they are kind, they are reliable, and there are supportive. But in reality, you cannot be there for others if you are constantly ignoring your own needs.
There are people who think that if someone practice self love, he/she will stop caring for others. But the opposite is true. A person who loves himself or herself becomes more stable emotionally to care for others. They understand their own worth and do not depend on external approval to feel valuable. And because of this, they are able to show real kindness, real sacrifice, and real strength to others. They do not feel used, and they do not feel resentful, because they have not abandoned themselves in the process.
An aspect of self love I really want to talk about is knowing when to walk away from things that are harming you. Some people stay in uncomfortable conditions or environments because they want to prove loyalty to people. They stay in friendships that drain them, in relationships that do not respect them, and in situations that frustrate them. The fear of being seen as a selfish keeps them stuck. But the truth is your peace matters. You do not have to continue giving your energy to things that do not add value to your life.
Self love is connected to self respect. When you respect yourself, you stop entertaining situations that make you feel less than who you are. You become careful with your choices. You speak up when something does not feel right. You choose peace over unnecessary conflict. All these are signs of self respect, and none of them fall under selfishness.
I believe you are allowed to take care of yourself. You are allowed to set boundaries without feeling guilty about it. You are allowed to rest when your mind and body feel tired. You are allowed to say no to things that drain your energy. You are allowed to walk away from situations that do not value you. You are allowed to choose peace over unnecessary conflict. You are allowed to grow into a better version of yourself. You are allowed to protect your happiness and your emotional space. You are allowed to put yourself first sometimes, and it does not make you selfish.
So in my opinion, I believe that self love is not selfishness. Greetings!!!!