I know a time is coming when those things I once rolled my eyes at will be done by my younger version while I stare. I can’t help but laugh when I remember how my parents, in their own way, built us(the children) to be strong, respectful, and also traumatized. But their intentions are ways pure and rooted in love, even though it is mostly expressed through a flying slipper or an unexpected backhand to reset the brain.
In my house, no matter how unfair the punishment is, no matter how outrageous the accusation may be, even if you are not guilty, you dare not go outside and say, “My mummy/my daddy beat me today". Just be ready for a part two of whatever discipline you had received, responding "yes sir, yes ma" is important, you couldn’t just say “what” when called, you had to respond with "ma/sir", not unless you are interested in a philosophical lecture on how you lack home training.
Here in Nigeria, parental values and norms come with a mix of love, fear, and lots of prayers. Our parents dont just train us, they train us with the fear of God, the fear of poverty, and also the fear of disgracing the family name. Don't go and embarrass me outside was an everyday warning, especially for any outing. As if misbehaving would affect their blood pressure. And also academic expectations. Anything less than an A was a problem. If you got 98, they wanted to know who got 100. If you came second, they ask you if the person who came first had two heads. It was their own way of pushing us to be excellent, but at that time, it just felt like an unnecessary pressure.
But with all this discipline, our parents are some of the most selfless and sacrificial people you’ll ever meet, I can attest to that, they will stand strongly behind you, they will deny themselves comfort just to make sure their children have the best. They wake up early, hustle all day, and come home tired but still find a way to care about you. Though we claim their methods were too strict, yet we still catch ourselves doing the same things, we start sounding like them when we warn/correct our younger siblings.
Another thing is, our parent don't believe in quitting, if something is hard, you pray about it, push through, and then find a way. There's always a response to everything, “No food at home? "Cook whatever is available", no money? God will provide", am feeling sick! Go and take vitamin C. They made survival look effortless, even when they were struggling. And today, many of us have the ability to adapt, to find a way even when things look impossible.
And let’s not even talk about relationships. Our parent won't want to hear that you are in a relationship, maybe until you are in your final year in the higher institution, or of a certain age..maybe 23 upward, theres strict monitoring and prayers when you eventually tell them or they know.
Thinking about it all now, I see that everything they did, the values they held onto and all, was because they wanted us to be better. They wanted us to be strong, disciplined, and successful and responsible adults.
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