We can compare low self esteem to a neighbor, one that always has something negative to say about you. It shows up in ones academic, whispering you can't do it, it shows up in your business whispering doubts into your ears, making you feel like you’re never enough. But when you have annoying neighbors, you dont necessarily need to give them room or space into your abode. You can close your door, play music and live your life. That’s exactly how self-esteem works. You can either let the negativity control you or you can choose to take charge of your mind.
There was always something/someone to compare to/with while I was growing up, like...who was the smartest in class, who had the best clothes, who spoke the most correct english, who has the best accent. But me, I was that type who second guessed everything. If someone praised me, I would think, “Maybe they’re just being nice.”If I failed at something, I would conclude, “I’m not good enough.” As at then, I never knew I was battling with low self esteem, I just thought I was being, you know.. “humble.” But humility and self-doubt are two different things. When my transformation started, I realized I dont need to await anyone's validation.
First of all, I had to rewired my mind. I started replacing negative thoughts with positive ones. When the voice comes whispering, “You can’t,” I reply, “I can, watch me.” When it said, “You’re not good enough,” I say, “I am more than enough. At first it felt strange, like I was lying to myself, but the more I say it, the more I believed and become it. There’s a Yoruba proverb that translates "Show me your friends, and I will tell you who you are.” I took that personally, and I started checking who I surround myself with, I begin staying away from people who made me feel less than I was. No unnecessary competition. No more friends who only see my flaws and never see my strengths. Instead, I surrounded myself with those who uplifted me, people who saw the greatness in me even when I couldn’t see it myself.
Another thing that helped me was confidence. I focus on my strength and started paying attention to the things I could do well, no matter how small. It was then I realized I was a great writer, a wonderful listener and a good motivator, so I became intentional about helping people who needed someone to talk to, I wrote more too. Slowly, I stopped seeing myself as someone who wasn’t good enough, but as someone who had a lot to offer.
I found out that low self esteem keeps one in a box, a tiny one, where you can't be able to stretch talkless of doing anything, after realizing that, I started doing things that scares me, and when the voice shows up again.."you will fail", I would say, " I don't mind failing, if I fail, I will get back up more stronger. So I started speaking up more in gatherings. I took on challenges that made me nervous. The first time I acted and the first time I gave a public speech, my hands were shaking, but guess what? I survived. And the more I did things that scared me, the more my confidence grew.
Now, I just laugh at the version of me who thought being confident was hard/impossible. If there was a way for me to tell my younger self something, I would say, “You’re amazing, you just haven’t realized it yet.
So, if you’re reading this, and you are the type who feel he/she is not enough, have been there before, so let me be the first to tell you, you are more than enough, you just have to see it for yourself, give yourself the love and energy you give others, be happy and celebrate your little wins the way you do for others. Talk to yourself, assure yourself the way you’d talk to a friend. And most importantly, don’t wait for the world to tell you who you are. Tell the world who you are.
It won't just go overnight, it takes time, and consistent steps. So, start by doing one thing that makes you feel good about yourself. And when that annoying voice of doubt tries to show up, shut the door, assure yourself, play your music, dance it off and be good.
All pictures are mine.
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