The most embarrassing and inward moments of my life are during my high school. Most importantly, it is one of those experiences that are painful to look back on history.
On this particular day, as most days,I sat comfortably with my Classmates, facing the principal and listening to the speech he was giving when unexpectedly I got called out in front of all the students. There was a sense of anxiety that accompanied me when they called out my name, like I was a prisoner who had just been summoned out from the masses. And I could feel all eyes fixed on me.
As I began to move up towards the front of the assembly hall, I felt my heart racing inside me. I was so horrified, frightened of what I could have done to deserve this embarrassment, more so in public. When I got to the front, the principal extended her hand to me with a folded paper in it. It was a note to rebuke me for a little offense I committed which I thought would pass without anyone noticing.
The punishment’s severity was announced by the principal and I could feel flush in my cheeks. Younger students, my juniors, were laughing at me and communicating with each other, causing me additional discomfort. I wished I could just sink into the floor and be rid of the judgemental looks from my classmates.
After we had heard the punishment, I was ordered back to my seat. I felt sick and defeated. As I walked back to my place in the assembly, I heard the hiss and the attack of people behind me. I sat there in the assembly, suppressing my tears and wishing the ground would open and swallow me.
With the assembly over, I expected rest from the constant gaze of my classmates for those few seconds only. Everyone knew I was the one who'd been in the spotlight and then shamed, which felt like wearing a letter A on my forehead. Embarrassment as if a shadow followed me hung over me to the extent that I almost wanted to scream.
In the coming days, while I tried my best to forget the incident, the memory of that particular moment still continued to dwindle in my mind. I felt like a fool, a disgrace who had revealed herself to the whole world. There was no way I could face my juniors knowing full well they had seen me debased.
Even when I tried to get rid of the humiliation, it was always at the back of my head reminding me of the time I lost my face. I promised that I will never be caught in that circumstance again; that I will never give an individual the pleasure of seeing me embarrassed.
With time, where time made the incident bearable, the thoughts that drooled glorified the experience as a lesson learned as it got indelibly imprinted in memory. I got to appreciate the need to watch my steps since every step I make has an impact. I have gotten to be more restrained and careful, more importantly however, I have avoided situations where I could end up facing the kind of shame that leaves one embarrassed.
While that episode of disgrace was filled with pains and humiliation, it did build in me perseverance as well as the essence of dignity. It was the situation that made me tougher and more focused on how I would conduct myself. That awkward situation might stay in my brain for a long time.