I don't recall the day I arrived and I won't recall the day I leave...But those in-between days...Yeah, I remember them; Some anyway. These days, the moments, combine to make me the person I am and the person others see. There's been good and bad, monumentally bad, but they are all just fragments which I sweep together today and every day.
If you know me well, and most do not, you'll know I'm all about moments and, whilst 18,628 days ago I arrived with no idea of the concept of time, those moments have unfolded before me, those days. - I didn't know it at the time, but life gave me the chance to impact those days and I have done so...Positively and negatively, through good and bad.
I end my posts with:
Design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default - Tomorrow isn't promised so be humble and kind.
It is something I wish I'd understood earlier in life - Maybe I'd not have done things that plague me now, maybe I would have found more value. I'll never know, but I live it now and the fragments, the days of my life, are better for it.
Being born is like pulling the safety pin on a hand grenade; It releases the striker and hits the percussion-cap beginning the time-delay, detonator ignition and subsequently the explosive force and then...Fragments. There's nothing else. Once it's fragmented it can no longer do so. Ever again.
It's a little how life goes right? We cannot un-pull the safety pin. All we can do is live the fragmentation, the moments. Luckily life is a little more controllable than a hand grenade.
We all have choices in life: Positive. Negative. Good. Bad. Kind. Helpful. Courteous. Generous. Polite. Rude. Giving. Understanding. Egotistical. Loving. Hateful. Prideful. Narcissistic. Cruel. Spiteful. Forgiving. Vindictive. Irresponsible. Respectful. Humble. We can be all things and often a combination. That's how I've been I suppose; A combination.
I try to be a good man. I do. However like all of us I have a shadow, a part of me so inexorably-linked to me that it's impossible to remove. It's unrelenting, unforgiving and yet I'd not be myself without it. Most will never see it or understand why it's there...But sometimes people see.
I got a message today:
I don't know how you are so familiar to me - or why it feels less like I am getting to know you and more as though I am remembering who you are. How every smile, every whisper brings me closer to the impossible conclusion that I have known you before, I have loved you before -in another time, a different place - Some other existence.
It was a gift, a moment in which I found great value; One that will endure and will help gather fragments of me together. Just words...But then...Not really - It's more than that. It speaks to me...It tells me that someone see's me, the physical and emotional; The shadow and light. It was a meaningful moment and one I cherish.
Eighteen thousand six hundred and twenty eight days ago a pin got pulled and I began to fragment...Some have have torn me, and others, apart; Some are dark, others vibrant and light...But they are all me. Today...I'm still fragmenting and thankfully some stop for a moment and help me collect them. I love those moments of connection, rare though they are.
Today...I'm ok...Shadows and all.
Design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default - Tomorrow isn't promised so be humble and kind
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