[ESP-ENG] El manuscrito de la parca // The reaper's manuscript

Se había olvidado de vivir y se entregaba en exceso a cosas que no la llenaban, Eli era como esas vasijas anchas hechas para depositarlo todo, aunque ella decidía qué verter dentro, permitía que se colmara de la nada y se conformaba con las cosas superficiales que le exigían el mundo. Incluso olvidó la importancia de existir para satisfacer sus propias necesidades y se convirtió en una máquina que se levantaba de lunes a domingo a las cuatro de la mañana para arreglarse e ir a enriquecer a los demás, y volver tarde para encerrarse en su dormitorio con una ventana inmensa vestida con frágiles cortinas celestes. Después de fumarse una caja entera de cigarrillos se quedaba dormida mirando cómo la suave tela bailaba con la brisa.

Ahora era demasiado tarde para calmar sus pensamientos y dejar de sollozar, Eli sabe que es estúpido controlarse. Para ella todo se volvió confuso desde el momento en que sintió aquel dolor, desgarrándole el pecho cuando trató de fingir que nada pasaba y todo a su alrededor comenzó a oscurecerse, cuando sus sentidos comenzaron a fallar y los recuerdos de su infancia volvieron a ella de golpe, reviviendo bruscamente lo infeliz que fue.

Era imposible no romper a llorar, sentir como se hundía en la vergüenza de arruinar su presente, que eternamente amenazaba con trastocar su futuro si no tomaba cartas en el asunto, siempre lo dejaba para después. Eli no era una prioridad, se desconectaba de su realidad y fingía estar bien, sonreía porque era lo que la humanidad le exigía. Y en este instante se culpa de su propia desgracia, creo es entendible, ha llegado a esa terrible conclusión ahora que comienza a desprenderse y desaparecer como el humo, como la fugacidad de una estrella en su descenso, así se siente exactamente.

Por ello ahí, con la presencia afianzada a ese árbol hueco, como un bebé frágil, temeroso de enfrentar lo que sigue, es una criatura inexistente, inexperta y con debilidades que se niega a abandonar este lugar aferrándose a cualquier excusa, rogando por la oportunidad de volver y cambiar algo de su destino que sin querer escribió.

Oh Eli, siento ser la causa de tu despertar, de desnudar tu alma, de mirarte a través de estos agujeros sin retina, de registrar en este papel translúcido tu abrumadora necedad de querer quedarte en este mundo donde no supiste aprovechar la estancia que se te concedió.

Es hora de irte, qué haces ahí frente a tu tumba, suelta ese cuerpo que ya se está pudriendo, no vale la pena sentir desazón por lo que no hiciste, se acabó, no existes desde que te olvidaste de descansar y solamente luchaste por permanecer en un trabajo de mierda, con gente mediocre, en esa vida triste y sin emociones, te desviaste del propósito de ser humano y tu nombre comenzó a transcribirse lentamente en este papel, sin elección estiré mi mano huesuda y con mi dedo índice toqué tu corazón y lo detuve. Estás muerta Eli.

She had forgotten to live and gave herself in excess to things that did not fill her, Eli was like those wide vessels made to deposit everything, although she decided what to pour inside, she allowed herself to be filled with nothingness and was satisfied with the superficial things that the world demanded of her. She even forgot the importance of existing to satisfy her own needs and became a machine that got up from Monday to Sunday at four in the morning to get ready and go to enrich others, and returned late to lock herself in her bedroom with a huge window dressed with fragile light blue curtains. After smoking a whole box of cigarettes she would fall asleep watching the soft fabric dance in the breeze.

Now it was too late to calm her thoughts and stop sobbing, Eli knows it's stupid to control herself. For her everything became confusing from the moment she felt that pain, tearing at her chest as she tried to pretend nothing was happening and everything around her began to darken, as her senses began to fail and memories of her childhood came rushing back to her, abruptly reliving how unhappy she was.

It was impossible not to burst into tears, to feel how he was sinking in the shame of ruining his present, which eternally threatened to disrupt his future if he did not take action, he always left it for later. Eli was not a priority, he disconnected from his reality and pretended to be fine, he smiled because it was what humanity demanded of him. And in this instant he blames himself for his own misfortune, I think it is understandable, he has come to that terrible conclusion now that he begins to detach and disappear like smoke, like the fleetingness of a star in its descent, that's exactly how he feels.

So there, with her presence anchored to that hollow tree, like a fragile baby, afraid to face what's next, she is a non-existent, inexperienced creature with weaknesses that refuses to leave this place clinging to any excuse, begging for the chance to return and change something of her destiny that she unwittingly wrote.

Oh Eli, I am sorry to be the cause of your awakening, to bare your soul, to look at you through these retina-less holes, to record on this translucent paper your overwhelming foolishness of wanting to stay in this world where you did not know how to take advantage of the stay you were granted.

It's time to go, what are you doing there in front of your grave, let go of that body that is already rotting, it's not worth feeling sorry for what you didn't do, it's over, you don't exist since you forgot to rest and you only fought to stay in a shitty job, with mediocre people, in that sad and emotionless life, you deviated from the purpose of being human and your name started to slowly transcribe on this paper, without choice I stretched my bony hand and with my index finger I touched your heart and stopped it. You are dead Eli.