This book is disgusting, and I mean that in the most generous way possible lol. Don't get the wrong idea; it was written with such grip that I literally could not put it down. It is more so the subject matter of the novel.
The whole premise is about how people "lose themselves" in marriage. They become different people -- for better, or for worse...
It is all the more disarming when you actually find yourself relating to these characters. But it is because the topic is old as time itself: making relationships work. My husband and I are approaching our 5 year anniversary, the same as Nick and Amy, and there were a few times where I found myself relating to both of them.
I think the entire issue, its origin, boils down to HAPPINESS -- something neither Nick nor Amy learned how to foster because genuine happiness comes from within, from a healthy sense of self-worth. Neither of them realized this; rather, they focused on becoming perfect people according to other people's standards.
"Until Nick, I'd never really felt like a person, because I was always a product. ... We just want you to be happy. Rand and Marybeth said that all the time, but they never explained how."
It's ironic... For as much as they both like to scream "I'm intelligent!! you would think they would recognize that they cannot be happy on someone else's terms. And because neither Nick nor Amy can live up to the other's expectations of perfection, they begin to loathe and detest one another.
"'But you're still fibbing like a little boy. You're still desperate to have everyone think you're perfect.'"
"'I feel like Amy wanted people to believe she really was perfect. ... And she wasn't perfect. ... Which was fine by me. It just wasn't fine by her.'"
Ultimately, that goal becomes impossible, regardless. It is impossible for Amy to experience genuine happiness because she does not know who she is as a person -- she has put on a facade her entire life.
"I was pretending, the way I often did, pretending to have a personality. I can't help it, it's what I've always done. The way some women change fashion regularly, I change personalities."
This is what makes the next questions so difficult: did Nick truly know Amy, or had she put on an act for their entire relationship? Amy claims that Nick knows her best, but how can she say that when she doesn't even know herself?...
So, given all of this, I would love to imagine that Nick still somehow manages to leave Amy. He stays because of the pregnancy, he wants what is best for the baby... Then how is letting a sociopath raise a child any better of an idea? 🤦♀️ You cannot be in a relationship with someone like that for the sake of, "she'll win custody anyway, so what's the point? 😔"