I’m a hypocrite, let me be start by saying. And I’ll tell you why. Because usually when I do book reviews, my title would just be the name of the book, but I didn’t do it this time. I said, “Chimamanda Adichie’s We Should All Be Feminists.” Because even though there is nothing she said here that I disagree with, I want it to be clear that it’s her words and not mine. Because, I’m scared of what I shouldn’t be scared of. And simply put, because I’m a hypocrite.
We Should All Be Feminists by Chimamanda Adichie
I wouldn’t want to say too many things about this book because the book in itself is quite clear in its message. I have listened to Chimamanda Adichie speak and I have said on this platform before that if there was anyone I would want to listen to forever, just for the singular purpose of hearing them speak and basking in their aura, it would be Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie.
And so, because I’ve heard her speak, there was not a line in this book that I didn’t read in her voice. It’s like I asked her a question and she was speaking directly to me. I read this book with her voice and in her words and it was the best 20 minutes of my year. I read it last week and just before I began writing this post, I read it again. Not because I didn’t get it the first time, but because it’s Chimamanda, and if you listen to her once, you’ll always have that yearning to listen to her.
I’ll talk about the first part of the book which is a premise to other things. How before the year 2005, Okoloma, Chimamanda’s childhood friend when she was fourteen, called her a feminist and how he said it in the tone you would say, “You’re a terrorist.” How she didn’t know what this word meant and assumed it to be derogatory, so she just kept arguing and then later went to check the word in the dictionary.
There’s a reason I decided to write this today even though it’s not the most convenient time. In my Faculty, I’ve already made some nice male friends who are almost always beside me because they enjoy my company. But I too enjoy theirs, so when they ask that we take the path to the bus together after school, I rarely ever say no. So today, after ending our classes, we watched our lecturer for the last course who is a woman, zoom off in her car. I’m not so great with cars, but I think I read, “Elantra.” One of the newest models because of how sleek and beautiful it was.
“She’s so beautiful,” I muttered, referring to both the lecturer and her car because I guess nothing pleases me more than seeing women driving beautiful cars. And one of my friends, the rather soft spoken one, who I’m quite fond of, said the same thing. Only that he ended with. “Oh, I just remembered. She has a man.” I was quite confused and I asked him (trying hard not to show my agitation), what he meant by that. And he, with all innocence said, “She’s wearing a ring, meaning she’s married and so, her husband must have bought it for her.”
You might not see the problem with this. But I’d like to tell you that there are barely any of my lectures that aren’t Lawyers themselves. All of them are Barristers with their Masters Degrees and PhDs. So, hearing this well meaning friend of mine assume that it wasn’t possible for my dear lecturer to have gotten her sleek car unless her husband (whose profession he doesn’t even know) got it for her, was grating to say the very least. My friend is not a bad person, but at the end of the day, he lives in a world where the men and even some women believe that it’s quite impossible for the success or material possession of a woman to not be tied in some way to a man.
And then I remember a guy I was in a relationship once. Amazing guy, really. And one day, we went to an eatery. And the ladies (three of them) gushed at him and welcomed him, completely ignoring me. And my partner simply said, “You haven’t greeted my woman.” And I kid you not, they all turned to me like they were just noticing that he had come with someone.
I wish I could say that this was all that happened but our entire experience was about him constantly saying. “Ask her what she wants first.” “Pay attention to what she’s saying.” He said this on and on. What ended it for me was when I gave the lady at the counter my ATM card to pay the bill and when she was done inputting our bill, turned the ATM not to me who gave her the card, but to my partner to put his pin. Because as far as she was concerned, it was probably his card anyway and I couldn’t possibly be the one paying the bill.
I wish we would all read this book. I implore you to please read it. Because no one is being condemned, and it would just educate you. Men and even women have thrown at me words like, “I hope you’re not a feminist,” with the same disdain and contempt as you would say, “I hope you’re not a prostitute.”
And I know that it’s because they just don’t know what it means to be one. A feminist. It is not a condemnation but rather a compliment. Men and women would all be one if they understood. But I still think I’m a hypocrite, because at the end of the day, I won’t change my title to make it look like the words therein are mine. But make no mistake. I am a feminist, and will always be one.
Jhymi🖤
Thumbnail created on Canva.
Other images are excerpts from my e-library.
