It was a Sunday afternoon when I ran to my Dad, shaking. I’d been reading a book, and I just came across something that quite nearly left me traumatized. “Dad, do men really beat up their wives when they get angry?” I asked.
My Dad paused the electric kettle he’d been fixing to give me a stern look. “It’s like I should start censoring the books you read, Tessa. Which book did you read this one from?”
I didn’t ask him how he knew my question came from a book. The whole family had already figured out at the time that whenever I spouted something new, it was mostly likely because of a book I'd read. I had to ask my Dad that question twice before he sighed and said, “Yeah, some men do.”
“Then, why don’t you beat Mummy?”
“Because it is not right. It’s a terrible thing to do, and an act of cowardice. Real men know that you should never lay your hands on a woman.”
Hid explanation sounded right to me because I had never seen him raise his hand on my Mom, and so even though I went back to the traumatizing novel where the man had beaten his wife blue-black (by the book’s descriptions), it was at least comforting to know that my Dad was among the real men.
Tomorrow I Become a Woman by Aiwanose Odafen
Obianuju, the tall. Obianuju, the smart. Obianuju, the beautiful. Obianuju’s story truly starts when she meets Gozie in August of 1978. Gozie is everything she wants in a man. He is handsome, charismatic, Christian, and the most important trait of all, he is Igbo. In a time still affected by the loss that came with the civil war, it is imperative that Uju’s choice is Igbo, and why she must not give heed to her uncertain feelings for Akin (Yoruba) who makes her feel heard and understood more than any other person. But Gozie makes her heart flutter, and reminds she and her mom deeply of her beloved uncle, Ikenna, who disappeared during the war, so that has to count for something.
And so, she gets married to her perfect match, who is perfect for a lady who constantly seeks her mother’s approval. Nigeria is steadily moving towards becoming democratic, and the economy getting better with it. So long as she has her perfect man by her side, all will be well. Or so she thinks.
My Thoughts and Rating
Two things you should note about this book. Number one, you will be enraged nine times out of ten, and number two, you may be engulfed with potent hate for two particular people. Will you cry? Well, that depends at how easily anger and frustration brings tears to your eyes. While this book is fiction, for the most part anyway, I believe it captures the reality of many Nigeria women. All of us know at least one Uju. And unfortunately, for some of us, we may have, at one time or the other, been an Uju.
Women are the gatekeepers of patriarchy. I heard someone say it once and I’ve never forgotten it. Women are the gatekeepers and custodians of patriarchy, and it is sad how internalized misogyny has eaten deeply into the fabric of most women that there is barely hope in sight. My worst character, more than Gozie, more than the Church leaders who recited long-suffering and abuse as travails that come with being a woman, more than Uju herself, who was so bright yet let herself be so painfully silenced, was Uju’s mother. Nothing prepared me for the loathing I’d have for a fictional character. And with all the anger and hatred bubbling in my heart, I wonder why Uju never resented her. I wonder why she did not cast blame on the one woman who should have been by her side yet caused her all the misfortunes she went through.
Why people still let their parents have such deep strongholds on their lives, even to their detriment, will forever be a puzzle to me. Even with a parent that never saw the good in her till the very end, Uju still let her mother take charge of her life. All so she could have her mother’s approval. All so she could be a perfect woman. An ideal woman. A real woman. And at what cost? To what end?
Where having girl children are spat on, and even labelled as shame by some mothers. Where male children are glorified and made to get away with the very worst of behaviours while the ladies are constantly hounded to fight for , to stay, to pray for, to endure, to be quiet, to be humble, to be motherly, to be forever beautiful, to be everything, except love themselves and put themselves first. Cause it’s their sole duty on earth. To be a man's punching bag.
From friendship to love, family, religion, motherhood, violence, war, abuse and patriarchy, Odafen’s debut novel explores themes that will leave you quaking with rage, and yet constantly enveloped in a profound sadness. With a story too bitter for words, that even a seemingly sweet ending may not cheer you up, Tomorrow I Become a Woman is an artfully told tale that we all should read. A 4.1 stars from me.
Jhymi🖤
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