Growing up, I was a gentle and easygoing kid. I never spoke much outside, unless it was with close friends. It was a different story when I was at home with my parents and siblings. I talked freely with them. Unlike my brother, I did not go out often and always adhered to the rules. However, things changed when I entered high school. My parents decided that boarding school would be best for me, so they opted for it, although I never liked the idea. Things changed differently when I returned from boarding school after my first year. My mom thinks boarding school changed me, while my dad thinks I grew up- puberty got the better of me. Whether it was boarding school or puberty, the fact remains that I changed completely. The sweet and easygoing boy who used to listen with clear eyes and obey instructions now became someone who’d get angry and yell over every slight irritation. I started frowning almost every time- a habit my mom hated most.
I knew I needed help. I knew things were not right with me, but I just didn’t know how to go about it. My parent's advice was not enough. My mom would say, “Things won’t go well for you if you keep getting angry over every little thing. If you keep frowning this way, you’ll get old before your time and your face will be filled with wrinkles.” These words were not enough. It was as if they entered through the left ear and evaporated through the right. It was as bad as that. My mom knew I was a book lover and that I enjoyed reading books of any genre, so she got me a book: Swallow Irritation Before Irritation Swallows You by J.P Vaswani. At that time, I had never read a book by an Indian author, so that one caught my attention. Thanks to my mom and J.P Vaswani’s book, I was able to overcome my anger issues and today, I am a better person than I was more than a decade ago.
“Steady those nerves. Make yourself easier to live with.” The first chapter of the book is titled “Why are we unhappy.” We live in a modern world where so many things can make us unhappy, from your doorstep to your workplace, I’m pretty sure you’d be able to count more than three different things that make you unhappy. For example, you live in a neighborhood with noisy neighbors who play music from midnight till daybreak, making you unable to sleep well. That alone can make you unhappy. As you prepare to go to work, you notice that the dry cleaner didn’t wash your clothes well. Then you manage to fix things at the last minute only for you to get stuck in traffic. Merely thinking about these things can make you unhappy and make you put a frown on your face every day. However, the big question is; can you do anything about it? If not, why worry so much? If yes, why worry so much, just fix it.
Another chapter of the book is titled “Irritation and annoyance.” The writer surveyed a woman who was asked to list her everyday irritations. Some of the things she wrote are; The ringing of the alarm just when she is sinking into a deep and dreamless sleep. The constant ringing of the telephone, carrying a load of shopping bags home, and many more. When I had just gotten back from boarding school, little things provoked me. I’d get angry when my parents or siblings yelled out my name- it made me feel irritated. According to Vaswani, irritation is inevitable in our daily lives. We will have to face them, tackle them, and master them.
I once drew a painting of the book’s cover image. Do you see how he looks angry? The wrinkles?
So, how do we face, tackle, and master them? Well, Vaswani shared some tips with us in his book. The first step is to seek not to please men: seek only to please God. “When we seek to please others, we often end up in defeat and bitterness.” Are you familiar with the story of the donkey, the father, and the son? The three set out on a journey. At the beginning of the journey, the father and the son walked beside the donkey, and when they got somewhere, people insulted them and called them fools for walking instead of riding the donkey. "Fools! One of you should ride it.” So, the father did.
But as they moved further, people saw them and insulted them, calling the father out for riding the donkey while his son walked. This time, the father got down, and the son climbed on. Again, people called them out, calling the son names for disrespecting his father. The last time, the father tried to please the people, so he and his son climbed on the donkey. Surprisingly to him, people called him a beast for putting too much burden on the donkey.This teaches us that we cannot please everyone, and instead, we should focus on pleasing God.
Next, take serious things lightly and light things seriously. In life, we are always so focused on the bigger things that we ignore the little things that make life meaningful. If you celebrate the little things, you’ll have more reasons to laugh and be happy. The most important point that has helped me till today is to laugh as much as you can. Putting on a strong face will only make you grow older than your age, so laugh as much as you can.
There are more hidden gems in this book. I recommend this book to all book lovers, particularly those who are dealing with anger issues.
All images in this post are mine.
Thanks for reading.