Rocks in the Belly
Jon Bauer
Cover from publisher's website: Published by Serpent's Tail
Rocks in the Belly - A Novel by Jon Bauer - Contains Spoilers - An utterly beautiful read, told through a dual perspective.
Hey Book Lovers;
(Post contains spoilers)
I have just finished 'Rocks in the Belly' by Jon Bauer, and I need to discuss it. No, not need - an bursting to get it all out - because this is a story which needs to be ruminated. You probably won't know the author, I had never heard of him before this novel either. As it turns out, he's an English fellow who now lives full time in my neck of the woods, Australia. This is his debut novel, and it won the Indie Fiction award. When I read that, it made sense - there's something about it which is a little bit alternate, and it is certainly un-nerving.
The novel follow a dual perspective structure, and it alternates between a narrator who tells us he introduces himself as 'Michael' to others - he is a 28 year old man, who has arrived back in his hometown in the final days of his mother's life, who is dying of brain cancer. Michael is sardonic in his approach with his mother, and his mindset is dark. He seems to lack empathy for his mother in the thoughts that he reveals, and his actions are not driven by love - but then we're introduced to the 8 year old narrator - and the novel seeks to pull out the threads from the past and seeks to explain the broken-ness of the man he has become.
The novel shares, only hurt people hurt each other - but builds this concept, by realising the impossibility of not hurting people through our own everyday and mundane actions. It's a damning condemnation of the human experience.
All 8 year old Michael wants is to be loved by his parents, and to feel important. He's an only child, and through his eyes, it's a black and white picture - he feels neglected as his parents are foster carers, and he feels like he is constantly in competition for their love. Inside, it drives him to angry thoughts, and his psychological turmoil is explored in lonely moments where he feels left out. The novel focuses his experience with the foster child Robert, who develops a strong relationship with his mother, and through Michael's eyes, we get the impression that his mother loves Robert more than her own son.
But it's complicated - as the novel is unveiled, we learn that Michael's mother had a child many years earlier, who died at less than a day old. All of a sudden, it all makes sense, that his mother was trying to replace the child she lost that day. At a remembrance service, the Priest offered that the loss would linger as a rock in the belly - it was were she would locate her guilt, but also her own motivation to find happiness. Indeed, with his own parents who are described as drug dependent, all Robert wanted was a family, and he describes Michael's mother as 'my best friend'.
Lingering over the text though, as the older version of the narrator tells us about Robert's accident - and his early death. It takes most of the novel for the accident to be revealed; when his mother was coming home from hospital, Robert wanted to do something nice for her, so he set out to cut the hedges along the path by standing on a ladder. On returning home from the park, and seeing Robert cutting the hedges, an action which he aligns with his father, he hits the ladder with his bike and Robert falls, cracking his head and leading to brain injuries and the necessity of being wheel-chair bound with the mind of a toddler. His state led him to complete dependence on Michael's mother, who found her purpose in caring for someone who needed her absolutely.
Yet - it only drove Michael further down a pathway which he could not recover; violence, drug abuse, vandalism, and moving through a string of different schools. Patterns of antisocial behaviour which he takes into adulthood, and as the older narrator prioritises casual sex, common drug use, assault and criminal vandalism - it all makes sense. It shows the connection between the broken-ness of the child and the broken-ness of the man.
As Michael's mother moves towards her death, he shares moments of connection with her, and seems to create situations of mental anguish to punish the confused woman, whose brain cancer has destroyed her. With her death, Michael begins to burn everything from his childhood - and finds a box of his mother, full of memories - poems he wrote as a young man, and pictures that were displayed on the fridge. He also found a letter of apology, with lines crossed out and re-written - his mother trying to find the words, but couldn't seem to articulate them.
By the end of the novel, Michael feels lonely - and wonders who will come to his own funeral. Robert had died many years earlier, and his father, and now his mother. He didn't have any family left and he walked down main street cradling his mother's very old cat, Alfie - a cat that he had tortured as an 8 year old, but now, was all he had left. He arrived at the vet, and the cat's significantly advanced cancer left him crying in pain - the final act was to have the animal put down.
The novel doesn't offer what Michael did next - it didn't need to. It painted a powerfully poignant picture of humanity, and the timeless ways we hurt each other - the small events which are seemingly inconsequential, becoming so important in shaping who we become. It raises the question, if Michael had perceived his mother loved him, and she didn't try find purpose in fostering - would Michael have turned out that way?
The novel's dedication offers that the author hopes the novel will provide sustenance for all those whose childhood traumas linger with them. A beautiful sign off.
So why did I love it?
- The dual narration was so compelling and seamless; linking the experiences of the eight year old to the man he would become. Dual narratives are not new, but I've rarely seen one as effective in this.
- The mind of the character is dark - and he invites us to understand his psychological state. It's a compelling voyeuristic experience that you can't help but get involved with. You want to dislike the narrator, he's not a likeable guy - but, you understand him, and you cheer for him. In doing so, you also cheer for yourself.
- It is also a novel that will make you cry, the persona continually deals with experiences of death and trauma that shape and punctuate his life. We've given these as real moments, they're intimate and they are so powerfully raw. It just becomes so must for all the audience to handle, and we can see why the voice is how he is.
Rating:
I'd give this novel a 9/10. It's beyond amazing and you just get lost in the pages. This is the kind of book you could read a few times throughout your life, and each time be touched. A beautiful read that I need to recommend. Have you read it? What did you think?