It's been 3 months since Angelica's death, Agustin's house is uninhabitable, it's something that if you think about it makes you feel like lava in your stomach, it's as if it were the worst thing you can consume, how does the world fall in just one bass clef? It's so catastrophic it's indescribable. He's been living at Christian's house ever since, Christian is the only single one of the boys and only helps look after one of his nephews 3 times a week, he's a boy who looks a lot like him, he's blond, has light eyes, wears thin glasses and likes to imitate things, he's certainly very similar to Christian who is an excellent actor and a good comedian, This boy talks to Agustín often and makes him forget for a few moments what has happened, the rest of the days he lives with the weight of impotence, he also wants to leave with his wife and son, he does not want to live in this place in the dark, he is grateful to Christian for everything he has done for him, but he does not feel comfortable in a world without his wife.
Antonio visits him once a week, on Sundays, that means he has been to visit him 12 times in the last 3 months, this week in June, Sunday falls on the 9th, today is Friday, Agustín has to get up for work, he attends, gives a class that makes him desperate, repeats the same action 3 times and is able to go to Christian's house again. When he arrives, he changes his clothes, lies down and sobs, less and less, as if it were dehydration, it has a lot to do with the fact that he stopped drinking water often and eating, Christianite sought after by foreigners for his gifts of dubbing and imitation, with that he has been able to get ahead after so long, it has nothing to do with his studies but he has done quite well, I guess that no matter what you prepare yourself for, life always gives you other options.
This Friday by surprise, Raul and Anne Marie appeared, they knocked on the door, Christian was not there, so it was me, Christian has never minded being visited unannounced so I knew beforehand that he would be very happy to see us all in the living room, Raul and Anne Marie had been to see Augustine on only 3 occasions, Augustine who had a bad memory did not remember the dates but he remembered the meetings, the first was on February 5th, at the wake, where the 5 of them were there, the parents of Angelica and some of the parents of Angelica, Angelica's parents and some relatives, Angelica's parents cried together with Agustin that day, they loved each other very much, they were like parents and son, it was catastrophic for the three of them, Anne Marie and Raul knew Angelica's parents, after all, they were all schoolmates, there were many mixed feelings, it is as if living in this dystopia fills you with so many feelings that it was not enough to cry a river to explain these comings and goings, certainly similar to a Cartesian plane.
The other times, they were visits without more than a presence of a few minutes, they would come, give him something as a gift and then leave, they were also agitated and busy, they did their best to see him, even if it was not enough.
In spite of everything they talked about, they could see in Agustin's eyes that he was not well, that things were cloudy, his gaze was lost, his eyes lined up like two magnets, it seemed impossible to bring him back from where he had sunk, the political fights, the declarations of impure thoughts, the red that flooded the streets of his native city, the happiness that always happened to be a reckless warning of a tragedy, all these things made the unhappy Agustin lose his mind. The boys left in worry, Christian returned without seeing them, and Agustin had gone to his room, taken his things and put them in a small bag, not much, an anthology of Allan Poe, a picture of his wife framed in a frame, a grey mug, and two red pens.
Agustín walked slowly to a place, so slowly that it took him two hours to get there, it was a popular hill in the city, it had the name of a viewpoint but that was not very important, he climbed to a very high part of that same hill that slept peacefully, he threw off his clothes, he shouted: ANGÉLICA. He threw himself, he rolled a lot, an old body would have broken in a matter of seconds, his body also broke, taking his life in the most painful way possible. All the inhabitants of the place listened, they called and the police arrived, they found the inert body of Agustín, disfigured, it did not seem a pleasant scene, until the next morning Christian knew what had happened, they had his address registered as the home of Agustín Gómez, they let him know what had happened, Christian devastated, he asked his nephew who was in the house to come and tell him what had happened, He asked his nephew who was in the room to please go to the room where the computer was and stay there for a while, they needed to talk, the boy went, the police questioned Christian if there had been any indication of this, obviously Christian was puzzled but explained what had happened to Agustin's wife, which one of the 3 cadets who had gone affirmed by reading it in a small notebook with a drawing of Hello Kitty on it. After some pointless questioning, the police understood that they were torturing Christian further, who seemed to have lost his ability to focus. They left his house, Christian went immediately to Raul's house, Raul accompanied him to Anne Marie's, and then the three of them, with an aura of tragedy, had to tell Antonio what had happened, Antonio said nothing, his wife Louis couldn't speak either, the children were elsewhere, they had gone out with some of their friends, the two of them spent a little more than 20 minutes in silence, then the boys left, Antonio didn't say a word until after they met the next day for the wake, he told his friends that he didn't know what would become of him now, that he couldn't bear to think about all this, he asked heaven for mercy, he himself, who had never seen him set foot in a church, was crying and fighting with christ for why he had taken his best friend away from him.
At the wake, everyone cried, no one could bear the pain that life had given them, there would never be a happy ending for them, that day they understood, they were only walking on ice, barefoot and with a feeling of hypothermia, they were alone, they were only 4, and who knew what could happen, no one knew what was going to happen, restlessness, 44 times no, 25 nights in tokyo, any of these works were the representation of the fear of the circle.
There will be no happy ending, there will be no good nights, there will be nothing.
Solitude
2020, Part 1.