So recently I was having a conversation with my girlfriend about starting a family of our own--just the two of us for now--and we went over what it would take (financially) to start this journey. Unfortunately, It so happens that we don't see eye-to-eye on the matter.
While she thinks we need to earn more money than we currently do to start a family, I thought we had what it takes to start. She has a job and a side business (plus she does hive occasionally now) and I am not doing badly as a content creator. I do have plans of starting a side hustle sometime this year as well.
I know couples who do not have half of what we do collectively and they are still able to afford a decent life--I even visited one yesterday. So I was taken aback that she thought we could not handle the responsibility of being partners and even parents.
One of the issues she raised was the welfare of the children we would bring into the world and wanting to give them the best life possible, which is valid. I do want my kids to have the best life possible, it is every parent's dream.
However, this might sound odd, but I don't prioritize having or raising children. Don't get me wrong, procreation is important, but getting married doesn't immediately equate to having kids.
I certainly don't want kids for at least the first four years of marriage. I would rather spend those years with my partner and plan for the kids and our future. There is no rush to have kids. I have spent most of my life catering to other people, I think it isn't selfish just wanting to be with my partner alone.
Based on our current financial status, my partner and I have what it takes to live a decent life together and even enjoy some luxury and still have time to plan for our kids and we are only having them when we are ready financially and emotionally.
Nothing prepares you for parenthood, so I heard. Mistakes will be made and we would have to live through them. The same applies to our relationship. We are not perfect people, we make mistakes now and then but that hasn't stopped us from being together.
I think people put undue pressure on themselves, especially in this part of the world where people expect so much from you. However, living by those standards is the perfect recipe for stress.
I don't want to have everything before I settle with the woman I love. I want, more than anything else, to grow with her, financially and emotionally. That for me is the joy of partnership.
So at some point, my partner and I are going to have kids. But before that will happen certain things must be put into place. First, we both must have migrated to the country of our choice because I don't intend on having kids here in Nigeria, for so many reasons I can't share now.
Secondly, we must make sure their education is covered to a certain level, so we could save up for the next level of their education. Every child has the right to an education so this is not negotiable.
I know people get married and lose themselves but that will not be our case. I think we are well-educated and disciplined enough not to make the common mistakes of young couples. It is all about planning. We cannot figure it all at once and that is the beautiful thing because we get to learn as partners and parents (hard lessons too).