Hello Hivers! How are y'all doing❤️?
Today, let's talk about respect, the respect culture in the Nigerian society. First of all, let us define respect. In simple terms, it is a feeling of utmost admiration or regard one has for someone or something because of attributes they possess or achievements. I'm going to write about the flawed respect culture in Nigeria with regards to age.
If there is one thing most of us in Nigeria can relate to, it's the fact that we're always told to respect our elders and in all honesty, I do not have an issue with this at all!! The problem lies where there is a biased outlook as to those deserving of respect. What I am basically trying to say is that there is this sort of disregard for the younger generation in the society as though older people are the only ones that deserve to be respected. When in true sense, anyone who conducts themselves well, regardless of age deserves to be respected. And there are also those that decide to abuse their position as elders all in the name of respect.
This flawed respect culture we practice manifest itself in different ways, starting within the small family unit and then extends to the larger society as a whole and I'm going to give examples.
As a child growing up in Nigeria, for some of us, there was little to no room for self expression. The opinion of a child?? How old is this one? What does this one know about anything? In most cases a child isn't seen as an individual, one that has opinions/desires that need to be expressed. A child can't walk past the living room where adults are seated. If the child is allowed to be in the presence of adults, your voice should not be heard unless you've been spoken to. If the child does otherwise, the child has no home training and would be scolded. How does this even make sense? A child loves playing the piano and tells you as a parent that he/she wants to study music and you tell the child "No, you're going to be a doctor". Total disregard for how the child feels. And so we have so many young people in society that can't even hold reasonable conversations, young people that try to Shrink themselves and can barely think for themselves just to be seen as the "good child".
It gets to a point that some of these young people go on to carry the same ideology that they "MUST" be respected by those younger than them whether they deserve it or not! It becomes a cycle.
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This is where I like to make reference to the western civilization and how people, both old and young are well respected within the society and children or younger individuals are allowed to express themselves. It sort of helps to create a more productive society. Heck they even respect their animals and have laws to protect them 🙂.But let's come back to Nigeria shall we?
Moving out of the family setting and into the larger society, take for instance secondary schools in Nigeria, where those in senior classes bully those in junior classes simply because they are seniors!
An older female boss requesting to be called "Mummy" as a sign of respect from her subordinates. Politians/rulers of the nation who are on the brink of death blatantly refuse to hand over power to the younger and more capable generation. Imagine it's 2021 and we're still being ruled by ancestors 😤😤.
These are just a few examples, there are so many other factors that affect the biased respect culture we practice here apart from age like Ego, wealth, class etc though.
I'm always of the opinion that respect is RECIPROCAL! And if you took note of the definition, it tells you that respect is usually EARNED, aside simple coutsey we should sometimes show to people around us, old or young.
I personally will not have an older person abuse his/her privilege and disrespect me. I will school you (respectfully) regardless of age, it's left for you to learn, unlearn or relearn. The problem with most people of the older generation in Nigeria is pride! To learn from someone who is half their age?? Preposterous! Even if they realise they are wrong, they can't come to terms with learning from someone younger than them and would rather bash you for the audacity.
You dare not correct your elder. I remember in Jss1 (first level of junior high) a classmate corrected a teacher with a dictionary. The teacher got a spelling wrong and the girl checked the dictionary hoping the teacher would correct it. Instead, she punished the girl. The young girl was asked to get on her knees for having the audacity to correct an erring teacher. The teacher could've simply said "oh thank you, let me correct that". But no, instead she was enraged that a little girl brought out a dictionary to correct her.
My dad would sometimes say that even if an elder is wrong, do not argue as a younger person, just accept it. Why?? If blue is blue and not yellow why should I agree it's yellow? Or when I greet older people from my tribe in English (I can not speak my mother tongue because I wasn't taught), I'm told I'm being disrespectful. But How? Obowie is an Edo term that means good morning. If I greet good morning instead of Obowie, I'm rude, but they basically mean the same thing 😂. Make it make sense.
Most times for peace to reign one would just let it be.But if there's one thing I've learnt, it's the ability to learn from everyone regardless of age and to respect those deserving of respect as well as to not let anyone disrespect me all in the name of "I'm older than you". This is what I will teach my children if or when I have kids.
Earn your respect, do not demand it!When you carry yourself appropriately you automatically command respect!!
There's so much more I would love to write but I'll end it here. I'd like to also read your views on this topic too, so please feel free to share in the comment section, let's learn from each other❤️ Thank you for reading through.
