Like most Nigerian (or maybe African) offspring, I don't have a lot of deep conversations with my parents. I don't entirely understand the rationale behind this but for some reason, they consider that a form of security. Maybe withholding some information could save us from struggle.
However, on certain days, they can't help but let go and those are the days when I learn the most. Unfortunately, my mother tends to let go a lot more often than my father does. I guess that's partly my fault because I spend more time with her than I do with him.
In a recent conversation I had with my mother, in the presence of my dad, she tried to explain certain minor facts about marriage to me. Typically, I'd evade this sort of conversation but on that day I decided to indulge them.
For better context, I should explain that my mother is a semi-traditional wife. She does what is expected of her as a wife and mother but understands that she doesn't have to. She explains this to me every time she gets the chance.
On that very day, my father had told her to show me how a proper wife ought to behave, she laughed and said, "My daughter won't be the kind of wife that I am. Things have changed in the world so I don't expect her to behave like me". That simple statement gave way to a very long conversation about what she is and what she knows I'm not.
Unlike my mother, my father believes strongly in the "old ways". He believes that things have always gone a certain way so they should always go that way. However, lately, I've begun to notice a few changes in him. I guess my mother has rubbed off on him.
When my mother made that statement, my father became argumentative and talked about how it was a "must" for me to behave in a certain way. However, he didn't want me to ever forget that I'll always have a home to run back to.
In all my adult years, I never imagined that I'd find myself in a position where I'd pull out some nuggets of wisdom about marriage from my parents in such a casual and respectful manner.
Most conversations we have about the topic usually take place while I'm in motion. I refuse to sit down or stay too long in their midst when it comes up because I don't ever feel like I'm in the right position to hear what they have to say and I'll most likely get offended.
Most times, I'm inclined to believe that my thick skull and stubbornness played a huge role in their adjustment. I have done and am still doing a lot of things that they have always frowned on but I've surprisingly shown them that these things can be done with sense, thereby forcing them to relax and be more understanding.
I'm grateful to be able to have these sorts of conversations with my parents every once in a while. I don't know when I'll no longer be able to but I hope when that time comes I'll be armed with as much knowledge as possible to face as much of the unknown as possible.
Image sourced from my gallery