Today is a 13/13/13 situation, Saturn ♄ Day AND New Moon in Pisces, so in that vibe, I thought I'd explore some thoughts on Hell and Paradise.
Most of my life education has been based on the belief that we shouldn’t do certain things otherwise we will burn or (and sometimes and) rot in Hell.
It is with that notion that all my decisions in life until 27, from the most insignificant and peculiar to the biggest moves have all been ‘proofed’ by the rule of Haram-Hallal. Which basically is understood as Forbidden-Permitted in the muslim world.
For every choice, action and endeavor I always had only two roads: the white one and the red one. The angel and the devil.
It was as simple as that...
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...Until it all became a big sticky mess.
Thanks to God and my resilient body, instead of joining the mythical 27 Club, I landed in a psychosomatic clinic in Germany, where I had to learn to evaluate my life after MY terms so that I can live the life I want for myself.
In a normal world that would be obvious.
But in my world, it was never a possibility.
I was baffled at how I never had the choice to make my decisions beyond other terms than what my parents would say or God would think about me.
It was never about what I would think of me.
And that’s why I landed there.
I was not living my life. I was living a script.
You don't need to die, to go to Hell. Depression is the shortcut.
I'm grateful it could unveil its gift for me: Depression is feeling like we don't live the life we shall. It's a disturbance of our present identity. To me, it's basically an old, horned shell that has overgrown and for some reason still has not fallen off. Depression is the signal to shed it off.
Unfortunately many misunderstand it for a deathwish, yet I believe it is the deathwish of an old Self.
We don't need to die, to kill the parts we no longer want to embody. Shedding is the shortcut.
And that’s where I started to create an authentic relationship with God, namely the God in myself. The one that has been with me since my first breath and that wants my best above all. The one that is happy when I see the bigger picture and when I understand it’s all about consciously enjoying divine glory in life.
The one that is omnipresent when I look at the world through her eyes, and who is far away when I let myself be clogged and tormented by my shadows.
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Self-Punishment was the closest to Hell I’ve encountered in life. A car crash and my father’s leaving this world could not even compete with the strident flames of mental and emotional self-infliction.
Outward circumstances can’t beat the suffering we can inflict on ourselves.
God doesn't need to judge us, because we do the job much better ourselves.
We are the only ones weighing ourselves on the scale of our mind-game and sending us to the emotional corner of Hell or Paradise.
This was my conclusion & I decided to let Life show me her rules herself. To abide by Nature’s law only and to not do anything that compromises my self-devotion and the alignment of my needs, desires and values.
I understood that I want to refrain from certain things because I have felt in my bones how they don’t serve me and do more of other things that make me feel elevated, empowered and sacred.
Today, as a 31 year-old Woman, I honestly can proudly declare to my family and God that
I don’t need a religion, to live with holiness.
Thanks to the pains that have helped me alchemize into a human being that aims for sovereignty, while discovering and understanding the wonders of creation, I naturally came to strive to embody the representation of the divine on earth. Because it simply makes me feel bliss.
Like a great Sufi Priestess, Rabia Al Adawiyya once said:
I am going to light fire in Paradise and to pour water on to Hell so that both veils (…) may completely disappear (…) and the servants of God may see Him, without any object of hope or motive of fear. What if the hope of Paradise and the fear of Hell did not exist?
Oh God! If I worship You for fear of Hell, burn me in Hell, and if I worship You in hope of Paradise, exclude me from Paradise.
But if I worship You for Your Own Sake, then withhold not from me Your Eternal Beauty.
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I've been to hell already & I know for sure I don’t wanna go back in there.
I don't really believe in that hell/paradise after life.
I believe Hell & Paradize are a STATE OF MIND.
We can wake up every day in Hell or Heaven.
There is nothing more painful than life on earth, so what could there be more?
When I die I know I will be reunited with my Creator...
It's the worldly life, implied with so much ego, that can be unbearable.
Death is just going to strip us away of all these layers of misery that our ego has manufactured since our birth here.
Hell is depression, anxiety, helplessness, despair, greed, stress, fear ☠
Paradize is flow, joy, ecstasy, pleasure, happiness, bliss, trust, faith ❤
We have the choice every day, to feel like Hell or to feel like Heaven.
The key is to know our boundaries...
I dint need to follow anybody else’s rules anymore to find out if that is going to make me sad or unhappy.
I've explored.
I've asked why.
I've F E L T why.
It may have hurt like crazy,
but I do believe sometimes necessary to do things we don't like to find out we don't like them.
Now, I know my inner rules
I know my body.
I know my mind.
I know my soul.
I know my feelings.
I know my desires.
I know my pleasures.
I know my fears.
I know my wounds.
I know my traumas.
I know my triggers.
I know my NEEDS.
I know where I don't want to go anymore.
I know where I don't want to be anymore.
& I know now what my paradize looks like.
I know what I want to feel.
I know that I want to feel alive.
& I know what I want my life to feel like.
I'm actually really curious as to what means Hell and Heaven to you?
Don't hesitate to share your thoughts in the comments!
Hotep,
Kali