Happiness is a stupid goal period.
When I was in school I enjoyed roaming with friends. And teasing the teachers. And hitting on girls. And being free.
I used to fantasize, "When will I grow up and be free?"
I was jealous of the big guys. The adults. That they could stay out till late at night. And they could do whatever they want. They were perhaps answerable to none.
I envied them. And I hated them. Because they treated me like a kid. It wasn't their fault though. I was a kid. But I hated it. And I hated that they never took me seriously.
I wanted to break free. I wanted to be an adult. I wanted to grow up now. Asap. I wished that I sleep and wake up ten years older.
And today when I am an adult. I crave to be a child again. More than anything. I wish. I can be. Again.
During high school I thought, "how nice it would be when I would start making money". I would buy whatever I want and do whatever I please.
"How awesome it would be? Things would be better." I wondered.
Then I earned. And I did whatever I want.
Was it fun?
Maybe. Maybe. Sometimes it was. But it could have been more. And so I quit.
There has always been scope for more. And there will always be. I could earn more money. Life could be more easy and comfortable. It's never less- the human desire for 'more'. More of everything.
So I dreamt of gazetted officers, Investment bankers, hedge fund managers, CEO's, entrepreneurs, celebrities, multimillionaires...
What if I could make it there? Anywhere?
Things would be better. Worries would be over. Life would be different.
Then somehow I got into investment banking.
Did things get better?
Maybe they did. A little bit. But it was work. And lies. And life still had problems. More than before. And worse than before.
Now when I look back. From when I was a kid to where I am today. Nothing is better. Nothing is more fun. I am not happier than before. Things only went worse.
But I still managed to steal some laughs. Steal some smiles. And make some memories.
It could have been a lot more smiles, a lot more laughs and memories. But I kept waiting for a better future. I just wanted to be happy.
I did it all ... I thought happiness was something to be achieved. I thought I could be more happy if I would grow up, start earning or become an investment banker. And I was so wrong.
Because there is no such thing called achieving happiness. But this known as feeling happy. And living a happy life. And being content and satisfied. Happiness is a state of being. A state of mind.
Like stephen covey has aptly said," it's not what you have or who you're and what you're doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It's what you think about it".
I have been consumed with so many wrong beliefs all my life. Mindlessly pursuing joy was one of them.
The only thing my minimal mind couldn't fathom was that I can't have it that way.
There is this friend of mine. He is a chartered accountant. We rarely meet now. But there was a time we used to every week.
I still remember his face on the day he became a CA. Overwhelmed. And overjoyed. On the top of the world. On cloud nine.
A few weeks later he got a job in a really good firm.
Everything was good and charming back then.
I thought he was tagged for being happy ever after. I thought his life was settled. Perhaps he too thought the same.
But I last talked to him a few years back, he was miserable. He bashed the profession. And everything that's wrong with it. Told me how the work he does is the most boring thing in the world. Repetitive. Mundane and boring with zero creativity.
Maybe he is not cut out for it.
He said he didn't get any time. His friend circle is limited to colleagues that would change whenever he would make a switch. He returns at 9:00 at night and later. And there are a lot of other things he want to do everyday but he can't.
The happiness we attain when we achieve something is momentary. It's here and then suddenly it's nowhere.
it's not ongoing. For us to feel it again, we need to achieve something again. Not viable.
You are living in delusion that your life would be more fulfilled. And You will be happier after reaching a certain point in life.
It won't. And you won't.
My parents lied to me all my life.
They used to tell me that everything would be wonderful once I get a high paying job that has some social recognition and marry the queen of my dreams.
I believed them.
I thought that after all it's going to be wonderful and perfect in the end.
But it's just a shitty motivation story.
Because there is no end. Jus manyt new beginnings.
And it's not about the destination. It never was. It's not about what you do and what'll you become.
It's about the relationship you have with yourself while travelling your path. It might be any path.
You won't jump with ecstasy and touch the roof everyday because you won a gold in Olympics or because you built a billion dollar company or got an influential position in the US senate.
A few days or weeks later, you would stop caring.
Dr Noah Harari, author of 'Sapiens' and multiple other books said,
"We tend to believe that if we could just change our workplace, buy that car or finish writing that novel, we would be on top of the world. Yet when we get what we desire, we don't seem to be any happier. Buying cars and writing novels doesn't change our biochemistry. They can startle it for a fleeting moment, but it is soon back to its set point."
You can be happy. And fulfilled. More than others. Even without having those larger than life achievements under your belt. Even without owning every damn luxury present on this planet.
You just need to alter your mindset. You just need to stop obsessing about the good life. That point in future when everything would be pink. You just need to float freely and love what you do. Not the result but the process.
Because happy people end up making happy lives. Happy lives don't end up making happy people.
