Everything I have been through has prepared me for this life. When I was going through a tough time a couple of years ago, I kept telling myself that all of this, this heart break and grief was preparing me for what was yet to come.
I had hit rock bottom, for the 3rd time in my life and I knew that the only way now was to come back up! That all the frustration and anger I felt, was really just a testament to the strength that I possessed. Once you hit rock bottom, once you have that experience, you discover, that you alone are the only one to pick yourself back up. You have to let go and surrender to the waves of emotions that crash into you, that toss you about as though you are nothing but a rag doll.
I remember the first time, feeling so desolate and frightened, wanting my life to end, because living just seemed too painful. Surely life is not meant to be this cruel, surely we are not meant to suffer so much. I remember the blackouts, experiences that shook me and yet transported me to a place where I felt safer, a place where I felt nurtured and accepted.
Coming to the realization, that this place was within me, was such a huge eye opener for me! That this sense of safety was something I carried within, that it was the centre of my being and that it was exactly how I felt, when I was away from everything, up in the trees or lying in the long grass. It was a revelation! Such a blessing. I was 15, when I made this connection.
Prior to that, I had always drawn my strength from nature, never feeling strong enough to support myself. I recognized, how much more energized I felt being outdoors and I still do. I am so grateful that I have maintained such a strong connection to the wild and that I was finally able to drawn that same strength from the wild within me.
But there are other things that have helped me through the rough times. My writing is definitely one of them. I started writing poetry as a teenager, writing so that I could make sense of the world around me. When I write, it connects me with my core, it is as if the words that I type come from my subconscious. So many times, those words that have come out, have surprised me, as suddenly everything became clearer.
But then we do tend to complicate things, when we keep them in our head. Where they go round and around and end up draining us and confusing us.
Life is all about flow, we need everything to keep moving, so that we can make more progress in life. We all know what it feels like, when we become stuck, that sense of hopelessness and unease. When things build up and we see no way out. Yet, We are the ones that build those walls, that prevent any resolution, simply by convincing ourselves that there is no way out. When actually, there always is. It all has to do with the choices we make and the stories we tell ourselves.
Mostly the stories we tell ourselves, about ourselves. The faith we have in our own capabilities. This is all comes, from the many experiences that we have gone through. When you have survived certain things, you realize that you can survive anything.
Having 2 home births, one of which was unassisted, has really helped me connect with my inner strength. Going through that experience by myself, really drove home. how much I can endure and how much I can trust my own intuition, my own body. Oh the power of surrender, of connecting with our primal self. There is so much strength, to be gained from doing so.
When we begin to understand that the universe will provide for us, it definitely makes it easier to get through things. to understand that things are constantly changing and once we surrender to that change, we flow with the natural order of things. We are born to succeed!
This does not mean that life will be easy or pain free, but rather that we understand the beauty in the chaos and the freedom that comes from embracing change! Life is not something to be controlled, it not even necessary to really understand it. We just need to experience it, to be patient, to observe and to surrender to the flow.
To slow down and take the time to see, to hear, to taste. To savor our experiences. To be present and know that all things pass, to make way for the new. This is the beauty of life, that no matter how hard it may get, we know that, this time will pass!
There are so many other things in life that strengthened me, my wonderful kids, that constantly remind me what life is all about, who remind me the importance of play and using my imagination.
Music, that soothes me and connects me with parts of myself that unleash such beautiful expressions of who I have been and who I am now. Singing, that helps me connect with that universal beat, that universal language and healer, that allows me to send healing vibrations out into the world. Songs that unite and empower us all.
Life is full of so many wonderful and diverse experiences, that help us to empower ourselves, so many amazing people that have carried me during my life time and some that continue to do so, even though they no longer survive in this world.