Music is one of the tools to help me emotionally. It help's me when I wanted to cry, wanted to flow my emotion. Just like now I always listening to music when I'll write something. My mind feel's relax everytime I'm listening into it. In summary music make's me feel comfortable. Then the new challenge of 
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The title of my story is the title of the song I coulsn't forget, "can't cry hard enough" by william brothers. It's the story when I was on my younger days. Actually I don't memorise all the lyrics if I don't listen into it. I will be only focusing on my story together with chorus lyrics.
....ahem.....let the music play....
I was 21 years old back then. There was a woman whom I really loved. She was the first woman I truly loved. She was the woman who stole my heart. She was not my first but she's the one who made me felt what love means. I didn't know if I was blinded because of my love towards her. I kept on hearing bad rumours about her but I decided to ignore it all. Why should I care about the rumours if I trusted her. I believed what she told me everytime I asked her.
My trust, my love for her was being teased. The world teased me even though I was loyal and I didn't do anything to hurt a woman. Still, she suddenly told me that she was pregnant. She told through call in mobile phone. All of a sudden my world was trembling down. How could she be pregnant if I didn't touch her because I wanted her to be a virgin when we'll get married. I couldn't say a word after hearing what she just said.
Living for a day without listening her voice through call made me feel empty. One day has passed but it feel's like a whole year of missing her. It's a day of summer but it feel's like winter. The time of not hearing her voice gaves me coldness. I even thought of forgetting to breathe because I was busy of thinking what will happen to her. I was worried what she'll do, that's why I ate my pride and accepted her. I decided to be the father of that child that's inside of her womb. She told me it was an accident but I decided not to ask her further because what's important is her being with me.
Month's passed so fast, I took care of her when giving birth. She held on my shoulder when she's having hard times of giving birth. Of course I loved, so I must be with her. I need to find a job to make sure that I could support them financially. I left far from their place because there was no job that will helped me to earn bigger amount. I know it's kind of painful leaving them both. My mind was in my work but my heart remained towards them.
After I left I kept on sending her money to buy milk for the child and food for that woman. It was the month of August in the year of 2010. I felt like dying, I lay down while rolling. When I was rolling I hold my chest because it's painful. I felt the pain so much in my heart. I cried and cried that it came to my mind to end my life. I wanted to die because the woman I loved was with someone else. It's not someone else because she lied. Her pregnancy wasn't an accident. It's her to get pregnant to man she loves but came to me because the man hides. The man hides when he learned that my woman was pregnant. But when the man came back and decided that they will live together. The woman I loved dumped me and chose that man. I didn't know what to do during that time.
No matter how I cried she won't be back. Even though how much I beg she won't choose me. Maybe she really didn't love me at all. Then I just accepted it all. I can't cry hard enough for her to return. The tears to fall will be just in vain if I let it fall again and again.
thank you for reading
image is mine
huawei p8
