-Midnight, a new day begins, and despite the silence that surrounds me, I can hear a noise coming from inside that keeps me awake. I've lost count of the nights I've tossed and turned in bed thinking about the day it all ended, and sometimes I get tired of hearing you tell me to leave the negative thoughts behind, to move on, that it doesn't matter if you're far away because you'll always believe in me and be with me… Sometimes I wonder if you're really still here; it's hard not seeing you coming and going from the house in the wee hours of the morning, or even hearing you hide from Mom and go outside to smoke so you don't wake her.

I miss just seeing your face and not knowing how to interpret your silence. I would have loved to hear you talk about those things that terrified you and that you could never say for fear of being judged. I would have liked to pull you out of that emptiness left by our parenting style, the one that made you think you were rebellious because no one really showed you that they loved you.

For as long as I can remember, I've understood how you felt. It's not easy having to measure every word to avoid the hurt of making a mistake; but it's even harder not feeling comfortable with the one who gives love and, as a result, keeping all the pain bottled up to avoid hearing words from their mouth that will only make you feel worse. Don't cry, my child, none of this is your fault. Everyone deserves the chance to be heard and receive love. Unfortunately, in our house, we have a different upbringing.

Perhaps I wrote this letter trying to channel my own emptiness toward you, who were my brother and my best friend. Or perhaps I'm just looking for answers to the loneliness I feel since your laughter has been gone and your brown eyes have closed forever. I wanted to tell you that I miss you and that every day I cling more tightly to that photo that makes me feel we're still together… As a final act of love, I will continue on my path and live for you, fulfilling every dream that comes to me. I will dedicate it to you and to your absence, seeking solace in the happiness of your soul.