I woke up to pee at exactly 1:59am because my bladder was fighting for its life, just one minute before my 2am alarm was supposed to go off. It felt oddly satisfying, honestly. Because I had to dismiss the alarm from the notification panel before that annoying tone rang. It felt like stopping a bomb before it goes off, kind of heroic if you know what I mean. The first thing I noticed after was WhatsApp DM already open, with an unsent text sitting there.
Apparently, I had been typing before I drifted to sleep.
My need to pee was stronger than my need to understand what the conversation was even about, so I ignored the chat and rushed off to do the needful. When I came back and settled, I opened the DM to read what I had been typing. That was when I realized two things. First, I had told the person I wasn’t sleepy… then completely slept off on them. Second, and more embarrassing, I had typed a reply that made no sense at all. Not a typo. Just pure nonsense. Something like “thjisfukskfmkukihh”. That was the reply. To a real question. From a real person.
I stared at the screen for a few seconds, trying to remember what thought process could have led me there. There was none. The funny part wasn’t even the nonsense text itself, it was what came next. I left that DM, went back to my chat list, and realized I had typed similar nonsense in two other DMs. I didn’t send them, thankfully, but the fact that I typed them at all told me everything I needed to know.
That was when it really hit me that I am actually the worst person to interact with when I’m sleepy. Or tipsy, after a few glasses of beer.
That moment reminded me of something that happened years ago. Three of my little cousins had come on holiday from Lagos. It was almost time for them to go back, and one day I was extremely tired. The kind of tired that can make you sleep off anywhere with a second thought. And of course, I slept off in the most unusual place, on the floor of the corridor that leads to the guest room.
I woke up the next morning in my room, confused and trying to figure out how I got there. As soon as my eyes opened properly, I noticed some bags packed up , like someone was about to travel. That alone was strange. I hadn’t heard any plans. Still confused, I stepped outside to ask my sister what was going on.
Before I could even open my mouth, she looked at me and asked, “So what time are we leaving?”
“Leaving for where?” I asked, genuinely confused.
She replied, “What do you mean? You’re the one that said we’ll be leaving for Lagos today to take the kids back home.”
That was when it dawned on me that she was the one who helped me to my room after I slept off in the corridor. And while doing that, I had been blabbing a lot of nonsense. Including plans about a supposed trip to Lagos.
I haven’t even been to Lagos before.
While I was still mentally trying to put everything together, she added, “Grandma has been up since 4am packing their bags.”
At that point, I just stood there. How exactly was I supposed to explain that I had been sleep talking and didn’t mean any of it?
Anyway, this happened years ago and it has remained one of the funniest lore about myself. And clearly, I haven’t changed much. As you can see.
It's 3:36AM and there's a very real chance I might wake up later and forget I even made this post.
Images are mine.