I would like to say that there is an easy yes or no question of what app I am addicted to at midnight. Something normal. Something predictable.
But here is the thing, I am caught between the two extremely different addictions, Instagram and Google Docs.
One feeds my curiosity.
The other feeds my mind.
Instagram is the first trap. Just to make certain about something, I open it and before I realize, it is 1:47 AM and I have already listened to five motivational videos, three business reels, two relationship podcasts, and one man telling me how to be a millionaire before 25. I surf through people starting businesses, people who travel the world, people who fall in love, people who seem to be having a very purposeful and put-together life.
It is fun, inspirational and a bit dangerous.
I begin comparing because someplace in between the reels and the quotes I begin to compare. My pace. My progress. My timeline. My life.
Then comes Google Docs.
That’s the second addiction. The quieter one.
When I have scrolled too long I am restless. Overstimulated. And just like my brain has fed too much and reaped no benefit. It opens the Google Docs then not because I am compelled to, but because I need to.
I begin to write whatever occurs to me. Business ideas. Half-finished essays. Thoughts that I might never get published. Sometimes it’s deep. Sometimes it’s nonsense. But it feels grounding. Just like I am talking finally to myself, not listening to everyone.
Instagram fills my head.
Google Docs empties it.
One makes me observe life.
The other helps me process it.
And the comicalest thing is, I have a need of both.
Instagram keeps me in touch with what is possible. It subjects me to outlook possibilities, innovation, and aspiration. But it is Google Docs where I am challenged to perceive the personal. My fears. My goals. My confusion. My growth.
I am typically alternating between both scrolling and writing until I feel overwhelmed or calm, respectively, at midnight, a time when the world is silent and no one anticipates anything to be done by me.
It’s like a cycle.
Consume.
Compare.
Reflect.
Create.
As it were, neither of the apps is the true addiction. It is the necessity to make sense of my own thoughts in the noisy world. Instagram is noise. Google Docs is silence.
One keeps me in touch with the external world.
The other holds me in touch with myself.
Therefore when you see me online in the middle of the night you just know that I am most likely,Watching people live their lives...
Or in an attempt to know my own.
Its 12:19 AM over here and i am off to Instagram.