The desire to attain various kinds of skills in split seconds, is something I find common in at least 6 out of 10 people I come across, both online and offline. Some prefer to monetize everything they learn, while others would rather keep them as enjoyable hobbies or use them solely in their interpersonal relationships. I like to think that I fall under the second category.
Right now, I am more particular about learning the kind of skills that proves me to be a more emotionally grounded individual. At the top of that list is having the ability to regulate my emotions.
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Honestly, I am someone who, by reflex, reacts to people’s actions and situations by impulse. This does not mean that I am not logical at all. It simply means that I am more in touch with my emotional side the moment certain things happen. For example, someone who hasn't made an effort to speak to me in a long while suddenly reaches out when they need help, simply because they are sure I will never say no. Situations like that can trigger me badly or push me to make a hasty decision.
Depending on how much value I place on such a relationship, I might immediately crash out in front of them or just offer the help they seek without thinking about the possible consequences. It is only later that I resent myself in private when I realize I was not obligated to help them in the first place.
There are also times when people hurt me badly with their words. Sometimes, it is their reactions that get to me the most. Other times it is how often they misunderstand me, which makes me feel like the bad person in the room. The more I try to explain myself, the harder it becomes to regulate my emotions, and sometimes, even my thoughts and actions.
Other times it is external situations that make me act out of place. As long as it is a triggering topic that affects real people, I find it difficult to control my emotions. I either express my feelings openly in public or hold on to a grudge, which I often consider valid. Still, in moments like this, I wish my emotions would not always get the best of me.
I want to be able to resist the urge to act on those emotions. While I have been making good progress, I still feel there is more for me to learn about regulating my emotions. I believe there is power in being neutral sometimes. Being able to let things be without worrying about the what ifs, because at the end of the day, many of those things may not matter. I may not be able to learn this skill overnight but I do hope that very soon, I will become a better version of myself, one who does not allow the actions or words of others to feel any more significant my life.
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