During these travels the concept of humbleness is something that keeps popping up over and over. People tell me: I like you because you are humble. A friend of mine who juggles is always telling those who are disrespectful while driving: "big car but no humility". When I meet people who are willing to share even if they have little, they take pride in being humble.
To be humble is to be aware that we are at the mercy of something greater than ourselves. That all we have is borrowed and that each day is a gift. It all sounds very good but there is always a shadow of it that I struggle with: this mindset always puts you at a disadvantage with the predator-minded humans.
While I sing in the streets I meet many gazes and there are many that are rather unpleasant. While I'm doing my best to send out a good vibe, there's people who look at me with utter disgust, as if I was an insult to their day. Some of them are just angry and frustrated, which I can identify, but others have that look that says: I'm better than you.
Of course, I have my spiritual armor that protects me from these looks, but it wears off a little every time it happens. When it happens too many times in one day they can start getting to me, leaving me exhausted and frustrated. It makes me wonder if my beliefs aren't just a ton of bullshit, because despite all my efforts and dedication to finding abundance, I'm still here in the streets with the bare minimum, while they enjoy all that luxury.
The truth is I don't care about that kind of luxury, to me, wealth would look entirely different, however, it still remains as a very distant dream which I'm beginning to doubt I will ever reach. When I meet those despective gazes it makes me feel that perhaps they took the proper action to make their dreams come true, by being materialistic and rational, while I have been entirely foolish to think there was a spiritual path towards a plentiful life in this material world.
God knows I haven't had a lack of effort, that I've put aside plenty of fun to work on the things that matter to me, that I've given my energy, time, and money freely to those who I met that could use a hand. And I have received as well, countless times I've been given a hand. Yet the kind of energy that is necessary for me to materialize my visions never comes around, it remains ever so distant, which makes me wonder if it isn't this whole humble attitude precisely what keeps me far from it.
Maybe I should take a more predator approach to life, see every opportunity to get something for myself, assume that there is no divine intervention coming my way and just grab what I want with less thought of others. Perhaps that's the only real way to carve out a path for yourself that gives you an actual sense of progress.
I don't know, I'll chew on it for a while longer. Feel free to share your thoughts 👽