You never really can expect how life will turn out. From teaching my students Nick Joaquin’s Summer Solstice in my World Literature class, I ended up being nominated for the short story category in this year’s Nick Joaquin Literary Awards.
Category is: the surprise of a lifetime!
One random afternoon, I received an email from Philippines Graphic, inviting me to attend the 2023 Nick Joaquin Literary Awards. Nick Joaquin is one of the National Artists of the Philippines for Literature best known for his short stories and novels, and the event was initiated to not only honor his legacy but also to award the writers that contributed to the magazine.
Initially, I couldn’t process what was happening. I triple-checked the letter to see if my name really was on it. (It was.) I even checked their website and page if they announced it there too. (They did. And again, I was part of the list.)
I was included. I was invited. And this is all thanks to my 2022 self that took a chance in submitting a short story that would otherwise just have stayed in my laptop, hidden away from the world.
My flight risk tendencies are showing!
I only had a week to prepare and between fitting gowns and filing a half day leave, I was really nervous. This inner anxiety slowly turned my excitement to dread. For one, I didn’t know anyone at the event. Also, I would have to commute to another city to attend. As the days went on, I kept adding more and more reasons why going to the event would be a hassle (as if convincing myself not to go).
Eventually, a night before NJLA 2023 I messaged my friend, admitting to her that I was second-guessing whether I should attend or not. She validated my feelings but at the same time reminded me that the occasion was to celebrate myself. Because of that, I have to believe that I am worth the hassle.
It then struck me that the main reason why I was anxious was because I didn’t know how to celebrate my achievements. I get so worked up about the little details and I keep finding reasons to back out because the alternative would mean sitting with my feelings and my success. I didn’t want to relish in the moment. I didn’t want to admit that it was a dream come true. I didn’t want to think that, hey, maybe I did deserve this.
When people show up for you, you should show up for yourself.
Thankfully, I had a whole support system of friends that showed up for me. An old co-worker turned close friend accompanied me to rent a gown. One friend commuted to Manila with me and did my makeup. Another friend gave me a place to layover and dress up. Also, my other friend attended the event with me and allowed me to sleepover and even work at her place the next day.
If I’m being honest, I initially planned to go through everything alone. I was going to prepare on my own and find a way to attend on my own. I didn’t even think about asking if I could bring a plus one! (Tbh, I was going to get dressed at my office’s restroom should I have to report to work that day.) Because of this, my friends’ support was a pleasant surprise and an important lesson for me. I don’t have to go through life alone.
Most importantly, through their kindness, I realized that I should be kind to myself as well. Whether or not I believe that I deserve being invited, I should learn how to take a win and let go of the wrongful narratives I have of myself. In the end, I was gifted by the universe with joy and delight and when you’re given good gifts for no reason, gratitude should trump fear and insecurities. And you know what, despite the mental gymnastics, I am grateful. Very.
All Hail, Literature!
The night of the event finally came. I walked in the hotel, feeling like the glamorous adult that I looked like that evening. From my hair down to my pumps, I was dripping with love, that I knew I couldn’t have looked any more beautiful.
The program itself started late but this gave me plenty of time to look around, take pictures and to attempt conversations. My friend and I were seated at table 12 and with us were two Communication students (one of which submitted a poem to the magazine) and two other writers from Iloilo. I awkwardly introduced myself to them and during the early hours of the evening, I was able to chat lightly and even laugh with them. (Good job, introvert!)
The highlight of the evening was of course, the awarding of the writers. We were called in four batches and were each given certificates appreciating our submissions to the magazine. I was part of the third batch and I went up the stage to get my certificate. Once there, I chatted a bit with the writers beside me and it was a really cute moment because we didn’t know the choreography of how our pictures were going to be taken and when we were supposed to go down. We had a laugh about it.
Other than that, I also loved the messages I heard from different speeches. One that stood in particular talked about how the Philippines Graphic was a magazine solely devoted to literature. Instead of just having a literary section, having a whole magazine dedicated to it cements the importance of storytelling to an individual and its society. It’s actually one of the reasons why I couldn’t stop writing. I also believe that literature has the power to shape minds and change lives.
Being a sentimental person, I also loved all the conversations I had with the people, especially with my friend. I loved being surrounded by writers and feeling the buzz in the air for new ideas and connections. I loved that I felt like I’m exactly where I’m meant to be. The free dinner was also a bonus!
Making Unintentional Wins Intentional
My biggest takeaway from the event was a new resolution I came to form that night: Next time, I want to be part of this event intentionally.
When I first submitted my short story to Philippines Graphic, I never pictured being a part of the Nick Joaquin Literary Awards. I just thought that, hey, might as well try to get this story published. I never planned for that short story to be nominated and to be my ticket to a grand event.
But this time, I now know that it’s possible. I now know that I can dream. So the next time I submit a story to them, I’ll make sure that it’s a masterpiece, sent in with the intention of winning. Wish me luck!
Thank you for reading, internet friend! I hope this blog inspires you to pursue your passions too. Let’s work hard for our intentional wins.
Pauline is a digital marketer and occasional speaker for Creative Writing. Outside work, she pursues passion projects such as writing essays, poems, and short stories, composing songs and filming videos.
As a storyteller on multiple platforms, Pauline has also attempted to create multimedia content through her YouTube channel (pollenpiggy) and a podcast she hosts (“When Pigs Fly”). You can find her at @pollenpiggycreates or at pollenpiggy@gmail.com.