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I underestimated writing when I labeled it only as a pastime. I treated it as a relationship with no strings attached. Only now I realized I had insulted what I love when I said, 'maybe writing is just for boredom' 'maybe I am not meant for writing' and a lot more maybes as well of what-ifs. As I grew up with doubts those could not be easily erased. Those became automatically a contrast to the little confidence that I have. I did not have enough trust in my capabilities, I do not have enough trust in myself. Perhaps, I underestimated myself more.
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Those were a few things I realized days after I arrived here in Hive. I keep telling it here that I am really shy. Even posting what I write takes a lot of courage to do so. I feel anxious most of the time and keep on thinking about what would others say if they read my work. What if they would not like it? Oh, but what if they will like it?
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There were a lot of 'maybes', but one 'maybe' overwhelmed me. Maybe I just became too caught up being so lazy to move that it stuck me to worst even though I know how to be better. It was that 'maybe' that struck my mind, because it was so true that I knew how to fight but chose not to.
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When I came here, I viewed Hive as a war zone for myself. Where I do not just train, but also fight and learn. When I arrived here, I kept a decision in my mind that it is time to go out of my comfort zone. It is time to get rid of the cowardice. It is time to face reality and not hide. Cliché if some might think, but Hive as for a month has become already a big help for my self-growth.
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I write for myself. I said that a month ago when I made a bullet journal for my Hive journey. But weeks as well passed when I realized we have too many voices inside our heads, we need to pick out the ones that mean something to us. What story do I tell? I write for myself as a woman, as a loner, as a fighter, and to learn.
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Hive tells me to write freely and knowledgeably. Hive tells me to be myself and to test my limits. Hive tells me the worthiness of myself. Because even though it was only a little achievement to be viewed, I became worthy in the eyes of my family when I offered them help. My worry lessen, and I treated myself even better and to what I deserved. I bought things I love without worrying about how much I had spent. I write now with full confidence.
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When I first introduced Hive to my family, they did not believe me because of their trust issues. They were afraid I will be a scam and told me they will only believe me if I will prove them true. To see is to believe for them, thus I gave everything I earned to them to add it in our New Year's expenses. It was an unexpected turn of events when my mother even posted me on Facebook showing her gratitude and support for my writing.
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That moment when I was posted by my mom, there were many of my writer friends who were interested in Hive. I told them the amazing community and how wide it is! Hopefully, I can invite them here to accompany me and to make it greater because indeed, the more, the merrier.
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Thanks to my very best sister 
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An aspirant writer and artist. To be found is my greatest dream and never be lost. Hi, I am 
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