My younger self has always wanted to be a mother. I dreamt of having 4 kids. I thought it would be fun, just like me and my siblings. I thought the house would be full of laughter, and happiness, and it'll be rainbows and cupcakes everyday. It would be nice to have someone I could call mine. Someone that was specifically given to me. Someone that would be with me forever.
Now that I am a parent, it has occurred to me that my young self's thoughts about having kids and parenthood was so vague and somehow wrong. For instance, I am not sure I can handle 4 kids. I could never imagine how my mom handled raising me and my brothers and sister.
Once I saw those two lines after anxiously waiting inside our tiny bathroom in our apartment, all my motherly instincts kicked in. Actually, it started kicking in when I said no to all the booze being offered to me the day before I took the pregnancy test. I never say no to booze. I have been feeling funny during those days but I know I never say no.
All I have ever thought about was how we would raise our child. So I bought "What to Expect when you're Expecting," the official book of pregnancy. I have dreamt about this my whole life, I intend to make it right. And so my whole pregnancy was very much by the book. Literally.
After I gave birth, nothing really prepared me for what happened. This was a part of parenthood that nothing really ever prepared me. The first months were purely chaos. Sleepless, painful nights, filled with tears (both from me and my daughter) anxiety and depression, and oh so much more. Every mother who is reading this can surely relate.
When the first hard part was over, came the getting to know each other stage. I remember the first time she threw a tantrum, the first time I scolded her (and cried because of guilt while she was sleeping) the first time we had our first achievements together, her first words her first tooth, the firsr time she read something, the first time she wrote her name. Oh those sleepless nights were so worth it.
She is like a new found friend slowly unravelling her own personality right in front of me. Everyday I am discovering new things about her. Everyday she amazes me with her wit. The sleepless nights were over. Now we have unending train of questions day in and day out. I love how inquisitive she has become.
I always thought that parents teach their children, they learn from us, they discover new things, they would grow through us. Which is indeed correct. What I did not know is that we parents also learn from them. We discover new things from them. We grow because of them. They also teach us very important lessons in life. They make us remember what is really essential in life.
Tomorrow, my kid will turn 4. And the first 4 years with her has been so adventurous. I have encountered more challenges and learned so many life lessons in the past four years. All thanks to this tiny little human that drives me crazy and yet makes me indescribably happy. I am very much looking forward to all the adventures we will have in the years to come.
Thanks to this little person, I now know that being a mother is so much more than just cuddles, hugs, and kisses. It's an adventure, full of new challenges and lessons, powered by happiness and love. It's not always cupcakes and rainbows, we had our bad days, but at the end of a tiring day, all she needs to do is give me that good night kiss and it all goes away.
Cheers to more years of happiness, adventure, and lessons, my little warrior princess!
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