Love? I didn't believe in love until I met him in the virtual world. I have dark surroundings, but one day, he lit the light and changed my perspective on love.
They always wanted to court me in the past. Men in the school still liked me despite this kind of attitude—a girl who doesn't care about her surroundings, a girl who just wants to live on her own, a quiet and boring person who just wants to drink liquor and go inside the school even though she's sober. Some of them I turned down; some of them were given a chance to court me, be my partner, and spend the next month or years of my life together. I never experience a heartbreak. I never experienced crying. I never experienced drinking liquor just because of a boy because I was not that interested in love. I know that their feelings are not true and genuine, and it's just puppy love because we were still young during those times.
I had a crush before. He was my childhood best friend. I became his secret admirer for seven years. He became aware of my feelings indirectly because of our classmates. I didn't make an effort during those years. I never told him how I felt, and I just admired him from afar for 10 years. I bet I already mentioned this story in one of my previous blogs.
But this time was different. I've been single for almost 3 years since last year, when I met this person virtually. And during those years that I was single, I didn't like to be in a relationship. I mean, I don't like to get married, I don't like to have kids, and even those guys who wanted to court me virtually and in person didn't get a chance because I was too focused on myself and my future. There's not a single day that I don't think of my dreams for my mom. I was too focused on my goal.
My recent heartbreak was when I met this person virtually. My life before I met him was too dark, but hearing his voice makes me curious. My cold side became soft, and I just woke up one day and realized that I had a crush on that someone. I was amazed because he is a genius; his voice was beautiful, and sharing some information about him made me amazed, especially how he became the person he is right now, and that's what I admire about him.
I started to admit my feelings. I started to like him in August 2022. We also had a little argument about something. He joked, but I took it seriously that time because I liked him already. I was mad at that time because that was my first heartbreak after falling in love with someone, and then I realized that I fell for the wrong person! I can't believe that I fell in love with someone I couldn't be with. I had a hint that he couldn't be the person who fell in love since he was too busy with his work, but I still tried my best to convey my feelings until now.
After months of admiring, liking, and loving him. I finally understand all his explanations for why he couldn't love me back.
We both live in different kinds of worlds. He is too high; he was very far from me. He was a very successful person, while I never achieved anything. I was so shy after remembering those six months that I was in love with that someone. Because I realized that I had the guts to fall in love and have a crush on someone who was very successful while I am just a lower average of him.
It's so painful for me because I couldn't do anything but give up and accept the fact that I couldn't be the girl who would be suited for him. Fvck! I am done crying after almost six months. I don't know how many times I've cried because of this, but here I am again. crying because of these feelings.
The Lord gave me a chance to meet him at their meet-up on this coming April 29, 2023, in Manila. But I choose not to go and prefer to be known as the "girl who had a crush on him virtually." Because I know that when I meet him, I will just fall hard, and it will be hard for me to move on.
Even though this caused me heartbreak at the end, I didn't regret meeting this person. He taught me to be a better person. He changed me. I finally experienced things about love that I had never experienced in the past. which is, I finally understand the feeling of the people who were brokenhearted because of someone.
Hindi ko alam kung ilang ulit ko ng sinulatan ang feelings ko sakanya basta tungkol sa love at crush na yan. Haha dahil buwan naman ng pagluluksa ng mga puso pagbigyan nyo ako ulit akong mag drama at hindi pa ako nakakamove on sakanya! Kaloka.
Anyway, that's all I can share about my recent heartbreak. The @HivePH community hosted another blogging contest for this month of February, and I hope that everyone can also participate in this contest! If you'd like to join, just click this link, read, and follow the rules. HURRY! You still have 5 more days to participate! Goodluck and Thanks for your time reading!
